Transcript
WEBVTT
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All right, welcome everybody.
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And today I have with me Joanne Fawcett.
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She's an author, she's on speaker of topics such as UFOs, extraterrestrials, the paranormal and the military involvement that goes along with that.
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She also tells me that she's a crone, and we'll find out what that is a little bit later together, because I don't know either.
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As you can hear from her intro, she's a very accomplished woman.
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However, today we're going to go and have a discussion on her early life, where she had a life of abuse and she actually went through seven failed marriages, but she overcame all of that, and that's what I really want to get into.
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So how are you tonight, joanne?
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I'm great.
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How are you?
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I'm excellent, thank you.
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So all of the info I've read online seems to be more about what's happening in your life right now.
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And I apologize, I wasn't able to read your read your book Midlife Magic, but I really like to focus on how you got to where you are now.
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It seems like you went through a bunch of different journeys to get you to where you are and you're a wonderful person and I just would, I really like to find out, how does someone get through all that and come out the other side?
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Because I think the audience will take some numerous lessons away from it and it'll help.
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It'll help a lot of people and that's really what we're all about here.
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Okay, that is that is, and hopefully nobody else has to go through that many marriages to be happy.
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I'm hopefully not.
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You know, I think you probably gave Elizabeth Taylor a run for her money.
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You've actually been married to the same number of men.
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She just has one more marriage than I do Because she married Richard Burton twice.
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But I have a friend here who calls me Zha Zha, but I can't remember how many times Zha Zha Gabor was married, but a lot.
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Yes, yes, yes, she was.
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So let's, let's go back to the almost the very beginning.
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So can you?
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Tell me like where did you grow up and what was your childhood like?
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Sure, I grew up in Southern California, in the suburbs of Los Angeles.
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I am the third of fourth children, so I have that middle child probably syndrome going on.
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You know I have an older sister and older brother and a younger sister.
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For the most part my mom was a stay at home mom.
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My dad was working.
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He was a finance officer in the Army.
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He was in the Army when I was born and then, you know, he was in managerial positions using his numbers stuff.
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And you know, I come from a numbers background.
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Grandpa's and my sister, you know we're all accounting bookkeeping people.
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So it's interesting.
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I think I had the typical childhood it's like, except that you know my dad well, not, you don't know, my dad was an alcoholic, so that impacted things and there was, you know, there was a lot of arguing and it was interesting.
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You know, one of the reasons I became a bookkeeper was because I would watch my parents argue every month when it was time to pay the bills and then, after my dad died, I said mom, you know, why don't you know how to pay your own bills?
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I was only allowed to put the check in the envelope.
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So you know, part of my journey is like to empower women to.
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You know, do things that maybe you need to learn how to do for yourself.
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Even if you're still married, you know, you still need to have an active role in the finances of the family.
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I'm very firm on that belief, but it's like, unfortunately.
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I learned from my mom how to be codependent, you know, and how to enable the addict or alcoholic in your family and kind of just try to keep the peace.
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But on the other side, you know, we had a lot of fun camping vacations and our whole family.
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We were Girl Scouts, boy Scouts, you know all that stuff.
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So we had a lot of wholesome activities going on.
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And then, when I was about 10, I joined the Mormon Church because my best friend's family were Mormons and they started taking me to church, and so I was a Mormon for 30 years until that just didn't work for me anymore.
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And, let's see, I started to bring a young university right out of high school.
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I was there for two years and then got married for the first time.
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Five of my husbands were Mormons and yeah, no, that was part of the problem.
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Interesting.
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Because and I'll just say it's like because you're in the same church with somebody does not mean you're going to have a happy marriage.
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And it's like if you still get a little preachy on this now, it's like if you don't take the time to really get to know the person and if you don't take the time to talk about important and hard, difficult, important, intense things before you get married, it doesn't matter.
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Well, it might have helped, but just because you go to church together and you look good at church doesn't mean you're going to be the happy little spiritual family when you're not at church.
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So that sounds like that's some great advice, and I think that's one of the things that are going on today with our really horrific divorce rate is, I think, a lot of our marriages.
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They just don't take that time right to get to know each other so just step back a little bit, because I think there's this stigma around the Mormon church or, I guess, what is called the church of the Jesus Christ and Latter-day Saints, or LDS, yes.
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So can you provide a little bit of authentic background so maybe we can quell some of the some of the stereotypes and stigma that goes around with the Church of Latter-day Saints.
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They believe in happy families.
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They believe that you know husband and wife should be help meets, so to me that means equal partner.
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That just never translated into my marriages.
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They believe you know that you pray together, you go to church together, you do service and all this good stuff.
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They also believe that the man is the head of the household Some and take that to mean that you know you do whatever I say and I'm in charge and you know you're just the woman and you know.
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So literally living back in the 50s.
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Pretty much.
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And again it's like, even though I did grow up in the 50s and I always wanted the happy family with the white picket fence, I never got it and I was working pretty much during any of my marriages.
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The only time I didn't have to work is after my daughter was born and I stayed home with her until she started going to school and her dad had died, so I had some financial aid from that.
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I worked as much as the other the husbands did and brought in sometimes more money than they did.
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So basically.
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So it is basically, it sounds like a patriarchy.
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It's definitely a patriarchal church.
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Yes, but not so much that even back then they didn't disallow or didn't look down on you because you decided to work.
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No, no, no, no.
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And there were many women in the church who did work especially.
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You know I was a single mom off and on many times so it just kind of was normal.
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Most of the single moms worked.
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You know I never got well.
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I got a little bit of child support but I never got like alimony or any spousal support any time I got a divorce.
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So you know I worked or I starved.
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So I worked yeah.
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Okay, let's see, there's a statement.
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There's the statement I'm talking about.
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Is that.
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You know a lot of people feel that.
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You know, in the Mormon church it's.
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You know the woman is in the in the home and she's the slave to the dead and the and he respects dinner to be on the table when he walks in the door and the kids have to, you know they're be seen and not heard and all this and you've already one little thing, you've already quelled, and that's exactly what I was looking for.
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Yeah, I mean, and I did want the whole little.
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You know, stay at home, mom, have a bunch of babies, you know, have dinner on the table, and I did want that.
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That's just not the hand that the universe dealt me, so I've had to deal with it, so Okay.
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Well, no, and obviously you dealt with it right and sounds like the genes that you've got from your, from your parents, which was numbers worked in your favor.
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They did, that's fantastic.
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So you said that you met husband number one?
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Yes, in school.
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I did.
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I was going to BYU he was actually going to Utah State up in Logan but his friend's band was playing at our school dance and so he started asking me to dance and then we started dating.
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And yeah see, my mistake was I kept meeting all these people at the church dances.
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Oh, my God.
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Except for the two of that, were not members of the church.
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I met everybody else at a church dance, I think, or some obviously some church related activity.
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But yeah, we met, we got married.
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I think we met like right before Christmas break and I went home for school.
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But like by the following summer, you know, we were married but again, we didn't see each other all the time and the only reason really he got wanted to get married was because his I think I was like 20 when I got married and he was slightly older, but his family was really pushing him.
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You know you're old, you're, you know you're of the age you should get married.
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You should get married, find a wife.
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And I happened to be a home economics major at that time.
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Glad I didn't go into that field, but you know.
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So, yes, I was fair game.
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And then we get married and I mean before we, as we split up, oh, I never loved you.
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It's like what?
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No, I just married you because my family wanted me to get married.
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It's like, okay, this is not helpful and I was thin back then.
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I'm not super thin, I'm never super thin, but for a 20 year old I was thin and you know, but I wasn't model thin and he was a photographer, so he was used to looking at all these cute coeds and you know doing his photography stuff and you know you need to lose weight.
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It's like oh God, and you know it just so.
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The marriage lasted a year, if that, you know, I might have left before that.
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We even had our first year anniversary.
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So most of the marriages didn't last very long.
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But there's a, there's a repeating pattern.
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Number one I didn't know most of them very long before we got married because also in the Mormon church and this is not a myth it's like you're not supposed to have sex before you get married.
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So everybody's hormones are ranging and you're not.
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You know it's not supposed to live with them before you get married.
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So you know the logical thing is to get married.
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And what and what did he do after we got married?
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Years later I found out he did marry some cute, petite little thing and they started having babies in a who knows what.
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He didn't want any babies with me, but they started having babies and it's like, fine, you've got your petite little thing and that's great.
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I'm glad you're happy, you know, see you.
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Well, that's that.
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That's huge.
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I mean that's big of you.
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You know what I mean for you to sit there and say, well, listen, you know it didn't work out and I'm on what you wanted and I'm happy for you.
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I mean, how marriages has he gone through before you found this out?
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I?
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had been married the second time by the time.
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I found that out Because I married my daughter's father and I had her and he died when she was a baby.
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So you know, yeah, I found all that out when she was, you know, maybe a year old, so it wasn't that long.
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Oh, okay, so all right, so you can keep, just keep track.
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Yeah, this, we keep track.
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If you don't, you don't have to use the real names if you don't want to.
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But I don't care, the real names are in my book.
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Okay, so the first name of husband number one is Dean Wegstaff.
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Dean, and then husband number two.
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David.
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Okay, so, david, you had your daughter with us.
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I did, and yeah, it was interesting because he was not a member, he actually and I was hosting a Mormon singles you know activity at my house and as sister who was Mormon thought, well, if we just meet some nice Mormon girls, that'll help him, that'll help him.
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And so we met and hit it off and he wanted to get married right away.
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Because you know, and we did, you know we were married within a month.
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So I do not, I do not recommend that either.
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But fortunately for timing wise in the church, it's like I got pregnant right away, probably before we got married, and I didn't always follow the rules.
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I'm really good at not drinking.
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I didn't follow all the rules, but anyway.
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So it's the only time I've the only child I have.
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I think I got pregnant with somebody else you know another husband later, but that it didn't stick, but so she was the only child I have, so that was meant to be.
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And then asked how he died.
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Yeah he committed suicide when she was five weeks old.
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Yeah, he had some emotional problems and some mental health issues and addiction issues, so, but family didn't tell me any of that before we got married.
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They just thought if he marries a nice Mormon girl, it'll straighten them out.
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Well, it didn't.
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We were very happy until we weren't.
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You know, we would have had it for divorce because I, you know, being married to him kind of forced me to go inactive.
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You know, all of a sudden he didn't want me paying tithing, and then he'd make me feel guilty for going to church and I was stopping by the liquor store buying him alcohol.
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And it's like I'm a Mormon, I've never been in a liquor store, hardly ever, you know, maybe with my dad when I was a kid, but it's like, you know, this isn't something I do.
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So I came a really good codependent and enabler and it was hard.
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And you know he didn't say he joked about suicide, but he talked about it while we were together.
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And then, when I was seven months pregnant, you know, he was just starting to really spiral downhill and he kicked me out, which was a good thing, because then he was going to get suicidal again and I could have died.
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And then, while I was you know I had her.
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You know his parents told him that I had her.
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He saw her two times and then he committed suicide.
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Okay that one.
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That one had to be tough.
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That one had to be tough for you.
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How did you handle now you've got a newborn and now you're just lost your partner?
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How, how does someone handle that?
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Fortunately I was I when he kicked me out.
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I moved in with my parents.
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So you know my family was very close and then my sister lived across the street.
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My other sister lived in the area, but so you know my parents were there, my grandma, we all lived in one house.
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My sister and her family lived across the street and I had a lot of family support and I was going to church, so I had church support and so, I?
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I don't know, because he had already kicked me out, so it's like I wasn't.
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I knew we were heading for divorce if he hadn't Died.
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So but I imagine.
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I mean you had a, you had a daughter with this man.
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I'm sure that you were.
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You felt like you were still in love with him, correct?
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by the time he died.
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Maybe not so much.
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Okay, all right, it just had gotten the mental you feel it was.
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It was, it was just kind of was really starting to get to.
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Yeah it was difficult, and you know, to hear his psychologist or his psychiatrist say that he's suicidal, you know, and he didn't, he didn't, he didn't think he had problems or it's hard to explain, because he really didn't think he needed to be in therapy and to be working on these things.
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So he didn't see any problem with drinking and then driving his motorcycle, which he got into an accident.
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He, you know, he just yeah.
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Yeah, they didn't have any common sense.
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Once he's once, no once.
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And I and I remember you know the grandkids think I'm absolutely silly because it's like back then in the 70s, marijuana was illegal in California and I remember he had me drive with him to go buy some pot and I was terrified.
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I thought, and it's at night, it wasn't super late, but it's at night and I'm just, oh, we're gonna get caught, we're gonna get arrested and I'm pregnant and we're gonna get arrested and just like how it's just you know.
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And he is like he didn't care and he, you know, I would tell, I told my daughter it's like you know, your dad blues marijuana smoke in my face and I'm pregnant.
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I go, you know you don't do that to me.
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It's like I was never a pot smoker anyway.
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But it's like, don't blow smoke in my face and think it's funny.
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And you know, I got One time I told him it's like, you know, I hope there's nothing goes wrong with this baby because of all the drugs you've taken and that Kind of put him over the edge.
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You didn't like that, but it wasn't long after that that he kicked me out.
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So thankfully he kicked me out before he killed himself.
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So you know we're only on husband number two in my heart already starting to ache a little bit.
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He'll be crying with me.
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Yeah, but it sounds like.
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It sounds like you've already mentioned.
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A good thing that we're gonna get arrested.
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I mentioned.
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A good thing that will have a takeaway in the end is that you know getting over something like this.
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It sounds like a good support system.
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Yes, it is.
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A very big thing to have when you're going through stuff like this.
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Yeah, and the one thing you know I've learned later in life Therapy is really good.
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So don't think there's a stigma about having a therapist.
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I didn't have one back then, got one later on and I still have one now.
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But you know, therapy is really good.
00:17:21.111 --> 00:17:28.914
Yeah, I I've had my issues with therapy myself and that I understand is pretty much.
00:17:28.914 --> 00:17:34.574
It's really finding a connection between Exactly, and you've got to be.
00:17:34.574 --> 00:17:38.943
You can't be afraid to sit there and go hey, you know what great conversation.
00:17:38.943 --> 00:17:44.933
Don't feel it, I'm gonna find someone else, right, people that need to have that feeling there, where I know.
00:17:44.933 --> 00:17:49.569
I know from you, know from experience, that you kind of feel you get into the, you get into somebody.
00:17:49.569 --> 00:17:57.613
You've paid them a couple bucks for their time and then all of a sudden it's like, yeah, they won't really not really jiving, but you feel like, all right, well, I gotta give another try, I gotta give another try.
00:17:57.613 --> 00:17:57.792
Now.
00:17:57.792 --> 00:18:02.636
You, you know, and I've got several hundred or thousand dollars into it and you're like, well, I'm not gonna give up now.
00:18:06.330 --> 00:18:07.834
Sorry, there's a lot of you know.
00:18:07.834 --> 00:18:11.122
Put a lot of humor into this stuff, because what else am I gonna do?
00:18:12.472 --> 00:18:13.617
I think that's wonderful.
00:18:13.617 --> 00:18:17.173
I think that you've you've gotten to that mindset to where you could all right, you know what.
00:18:17.173 --> 00:18:17.916
This has happened to me.
00:18:17.916 --> 00:18:18.622
It's in the past.
00:18:18.622 --> 00:18:19.930
We're just gonna move on from there.
00:18:20.230 --> 00:18:23.861
Yeah, there's a comedy routine that keeps circling in my head, but I haven't gone there yet.
00:18:24.270 --> 00:18:28.761
Yeah, okay, well, just we're gonna have to come up with that because I don't be a nice little comic relief.
00:18:28.761 --> 00:18:31.497
Let's move on to husband number three.
00:18:31.718 --> 00:18:42.218
Okay, his name was Benny Joe, but we just called him Ben, and I think he was originally from the south, I think he was born in Missouri Um, sorry, this was the hardest one.
00:18:42.218 --> 00:18:49.979
He was a big guy and he was, you know, active in the Mormon Church and we met when my daughter was a toddler.
00:18:49.979 --> 00:19:06.678
She was like one, she was one some, you know, more than one, you know, but you're not quite two and I remember I started to date People and then, all of a sudden, nobody was asking me out and then this guy I was thinking of moving to Utah, to, you know, because why not?
00:19:06.678 --> 00:19:09.750
I'm a Mormon, I'll meet a good man there and I'll go back to school.
00:19:09.750 --> 00:19:11.958
That was my goal, I'll go back to school.
00:19:11.958 --> 00:19:40.556
And Then we started dating and Nobody else was asking me out and then we just kept dating and you know the hormones are raging and he's this really nice guy and he's, you know he's strict with my daughter, but he's also acting like he's this really loving dad and you know he just believes in being really strict and it's like here yeah, I wasn't quite sure how I liked that, because you know it's my toddler and you know, leave her the heck alone.
00:19:41.990 --> 00:19:50.470
But we got married and we eloped to Las Vegas and we should not have, because number one, I well Loping's not so bad.
00:19:50.470 --> 00:19:54.170
But on the way to dropping my daughter off at my mom's, we had a car accident.