Strength Found in Adversity and the Art of the Possible with Meridith Alexander & Schuyler

Transcript

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All right, and thank you for joining us on another episode of Life Changing Challengers.

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I'm so humbled and honored to have Meredith Alexander and Skylar with us today.

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Very amazing woman who is a shining beacon in this world.

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Both of them are just like amazingly positive, incredible people.

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And so Meredith owns the Grit Mindset Academy, and we'll get into that a little bit later.

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She's written two books.

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The first one is called the Sky is the Limit.

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The second one is 100 Days of Epic and just really excited to have you both with me today.

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Thank you so much for joining us.

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Thank you so much for having us.

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We are super excited to be here and hello to your anybody who's listening out there.

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We are honored to have you here.

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Do you see what I'm talking about?

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You see how the positivity just radiates off these women.

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It's amazing.

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It's amazing.

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So, all right, so you know what.

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I literally start off the same way, because I really love to have the audience have a good connection.

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So, meredith, can you tell us a little bit about how you grew up?

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What was your family compliment like what was the environment where you grew up, and tell us a little about your childhood?

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Sure, sure.

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So I was the only child, and, just as here in Tampa there are many military brats, I was what you might call an entertainment brat, because both of my parents were in the entertainment industry.

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My father ran one of the big amphitheaters in upstate New York.

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When I was growing up, my mom was on tour as a singer, so I actually grew up surrounded by some of the celebrities when I was a little girl.

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I mean, we're talking, I am going to date myself, but everyone from like Jim Morrison of the Doors before he died, janis Joplin, bobby Sherman if you are back into the little teeny boppy things, frank Sinatra, you name it but my passion ended up being the New York City Ballet, and so I was convinced that I was going to be a principal ballerina with the New York City Ballet.

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That was my dream.

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I was dancing every spare moment.

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I was also really good in school, but I was one of those that was like, yeah, okay, whatever, I'd rather be dancing, and so I was on the real fast track for it.

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I was in New York City Ballet's Nutcracker when I was little and was a child, one of the children, a candy cane, and in their production of Firebird, so it really looked like I was on my way.

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And then, when I was about 13 or 14, some cracks started developing.

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My parents announced to me that they were getting a divorce, and so it was a little bit of a tug of war of where was I going to live with whom?

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How was I going to spend my time?

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I going to live with whom, how was I going to spend my time?

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So one great path of least resistance seemed to be how about prep school?

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And so I was not particularly fond of the idea.

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But I did have some friends were going, who?

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So I thought maybe the adults in my life were saying friends were going.

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So I thought maybe the adults in my life were saying oh yes, if you were talented academically, you do not want to be a ballet dancer.

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And yet I had this little voice inside of me that said no, this is who you were meant to be.

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So I walked in to my beloved ballet teacher's audition for her spring production and kind of everybody knew that this was kind of just a formality, because clearly I was going to be cast in the role of the little match girl, which was the leading role.

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And so I start the audition and, shockingly, my beloved ballet teacher would not look at me.

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It was as if I was invisible.

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And it was so noticeable that, when I went back into the dressing room, all my little friends were saying what was up with Miss Marla?

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And she wouldn't even look at you.

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And so, of course, I'm getting back into the car with my mom.

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How did it go?

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Fine?

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What do you think?

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Yeah, it was fine.

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And so that moment of real first kind of shock and transformation came the next week when I got back and as I saw my friends looking at the cast list on the bulletin board and then saw their expressions on their face when they looked at me and it's that horrible look when people don't know what to say to you.

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So not only was I not cast as the little match girl, but I ended up in the court of ballet with all the little girls.

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And so what?

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Yes, with all the little girls.

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And so what?

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Yes.

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So what that meant to me was that not only had I humiliated myself and failed at this, but that horrible little voice that had been so certain, that had, to my knowledge, never led me astray, could never be trusted again, because that was the source of.

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Clearly, the way other people saw me was not how I saw myself, and so that was the last ballet I ever did.

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I agreed to go to prep school.

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I went on to prep school and continued with my life.

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I went to.

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I hated prep school initially as a child.

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It was incredibly high pressure, but I did really well.

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I finally worked my way to the point where, even in English class, I was awarded one of five A's that this one professor had given in 30 years.

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And so I thought, oh my gosh, ok, well, maybe I can be, I can be a writer, I love to write, I can be a writer.

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And so I go to Georgetown and I get enrolled in honors English class and of course she asked for a sample of our writing and I'm like here, write my A paper, and I get it back the exact same paper, c plus over, d minus, and that was it.

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That was finally like OK, the moment I'm starting to think okay, maybe I can trust this little boy.

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After all, that was the total shutdown.

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So from there, that really shaped me for decades of my life going forward, where I said you know what, I'm not going to chase a dream, I'm just going to chase a living, because that seems to be the way to do it.

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However, I couldn't help but notice that, as great as my education was, it wasn't teaching us how to choose to live.

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And so that's when I first encountered Plato, socrates, the Stoics, and it was as if a part of me came alive in that moment and that became the through line that kind of laced through all the other bits of my life and led me to study Aikido, study energy, study, tai Chi and really and Eastern philosophy, and I even traveled around and lived out of my truck, exploring Canada for about nine months at one point, until finally, lo and behold, I ended up back in New York and met Skylar's father, who was my Aikido instructor.

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Ah, that's where Eric Howell got be okay, yes, indeed, and so skyler's evolution is.

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It's actually a fascinating story in that my I am born on july 4th, which is somewhat of a holiday.

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Skyler has only heard the story like thousands of millions of times.

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So my mom made a passing comment that, oh, wouldn't it be remarkable because the baby's due date the first baby, not Skylar was early January.

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Wouldn't it be amazing if your child was born on Christmas?

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Well, I kind of perk up and go that is a fabulous idea.

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So I walk around telling everybody the OBGYN, the policeman on the corner I'm born on July 4th, so my baby's going to be born on Christmas.

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And of course people are kind of patting me on my head, going like sure he is.

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Well, lo and behold, to the music of the Star Trek Enterprise, boom, my water breaks and my first child is truly born on Christmas.

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So fast forward to my second pregnancy.

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Well, the due date is in early April and I say, oh, my gosh holiday, oh, april Fool's Day, because I'm born on July 4th, and now my son is born on Christmas.

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So once again, I walk around telling everybody my OBGYN, the lady who does the laundry.

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I'm like yep, that's when they're coming.

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And of course they're like mm-hmm.

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However, their father did not want to know the sex of this child, so I went through the whole charade of pretending to pick out a boy's name when I knew it was going to be a girl.

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Well, as it so happened, I have an uncle wait for it, skylar who was born on April Fool's Day.

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And I was so sure that this baby would be born on April Fool's Day that I said if it's a boy, it's going to be Skylar.

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Well, sure enough, my other daughter was born on April Fool's Day and, lo and behold, we have a surprise guest showing up on the menu.

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That's our third child.

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Our third child because I, of course, am going.

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Well, of course, we left a name in the universe.

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We left the name Skylar.

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So, boy or girl, this child is going to be named Skylar and, by the way, he or she will be born on Memorial Day.

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Bill, what is your?

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birthday Skylar.

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I'm really young, so I know, so awesome.

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You're just about.

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So that's right around the corner.

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So it's like so you're going to be 31?

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.

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Yeah, very good.

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Oh great.

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So Lyndon is born on December 22nd.

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Correct yeah.

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And is it Shada?

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Sia, sia and Sia is born on April Fool's Day.

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Yeah.

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And Skylar is born on Memorial Day.

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Yes Wow.

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That's great.

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It is day, yes.

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You know what?

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It's amazing.

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I don't.

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I've never done an episode just on myself, so I try to sprinkle little things in here, and I've, and usually what it is how it comes out is comparisons with my guests.

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So I'm just going to tell you right now and a lot of people don't even know about me because I put this away but I in high school I started ballet, tap and jazz ballet, tap and jazz and I ended up doing it for 12 years and I was in New York for a little while.

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Mostly, most of the time, it was Chicago, where I grew up doing musical theater, dance shows, the whole bit, just like you.

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When I got here to Florida, I had been in the military for a while and I got here to Florida and right after my second tour in the military I got agents out here and I performed at the straws.

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I've performed at different spots, so I'm there with you on.

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I'm totally there with you on that.

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So we have that in common and yeah, so let's tell, say again oh, I was.

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I've been in numerous ones.

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I actually, I actually I actually was better in studio theater than I was in musical theater.

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But I've done Cabaret, I've done Jekyll and Hyde like three times.

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Show Boat, Damn Yankees.

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I did Damn Yankees at the Straws twice Come on.

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I'm going to get nice.

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Oh yeah, see.

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So you and then I also had performed with the Spanish Lyric Opera and we did a.

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We did a Spanish opera.

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I forgot what they called it, but they did it, but so that was cool.

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So yeah, I'm right there with you and realized that I did some semi-pro stuff, but it never.

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But again, whenever I tried for the big stuff, I got the same reaction.

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So you know.

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So, as a footnote to my ballet story is I and this is to anyone who is listening who has been very quick to squash their own dreams and who has been very quick to squash their own dreams and who has really taken one failure or even two failures and not been willing to give themselves kind of a thousand second chances.

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I found out in my 50s, after I really had gone through decades distrusting that little voice.

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I happened to mention to my mom in passing the whole little match girl trauma for me, because for me that was trauma.

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This was my dream getting ripped away, and she got this really strange look on her face and what she revealed to me is that my father had just been really late on paying my ballet teacher the bill, because he didn't see the point of me taking dance anymore if we're going to be going to boarding school, yes.

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And so she was frustrated and decided that she could not give me the leading role if the bill hadn't been paid.

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So I went through my entire life believing that it was me, when really it was circumstances that had zero to do with me.

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And so if anyone is listening at this point and has been assuming the worst and really convincing themselves to play small because of something that was out of their control.

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I would really encourage you to remember our story and use that dream even if you had like a failure, quote, unquote, in your past to use it really as a reminder of what a capacity to dream you actually have and to ensure that as you go forward in your second, your third, your fourth, your fifth, your sixth, your 100th attempt, that you stay true to the belief that one of these is going to hop and that you learn from each of these and you grow from each of these.

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Yeah, failure is not the end.

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It's a learning experience, and you actually can't succeed without failure, because you can't learn unless you fail.

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So failure is a stepping stone.

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It's not the end.

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And it's a necessary part of the recipe because if you look at virtually anyone who is considered a huge success story, the process is the moments where it's not working Course correct, it's not working Course correct, it's not working Course correct.

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Iterate, look again, reassess, evaluate and do they have any more luck than any of the rest of us?

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No, do they have any more connections?

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Not usually.

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It's usually that perseverance and that commitment simply to keep going and not give up.

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I have a belief that epic right, which is my thing epic is simply when your desire to create a miracle is greater than your desire to give in.

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That's beautiful, it's powerful, it's powerful.

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I got one more little.

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I got one little more comparison between the two.

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When I was 12, I started Taekwondo and Aikido.

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We'll just stop with that.

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So that's what I'm saying.

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There's a lot of similarities between our lives.

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Can I ask a question?

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Of course, and when Ren plays the character, a lot of the time the whole cast is like a character.

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What was your character?

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What?

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was your character in Rent.

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Oh, in Rent I was Coarse.

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Yeah, I was Coarse Dancer, but I would have.

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I wanted to play Roger more than anything in the world, yeah.

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So yeah, I didn't even work.

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I mean I like Mark, but actually Roger's a baritone tenor so I could hit those notes.

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Mark is more of a high tenor so I could hit some of those notes even if I wanted to.

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My very first crush, Adam Pascal.

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Adam Pascal.

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I saw the very first time I saw Rent with the original cast and I was, oh, it gets even better, because I didn't think we were going to see it.

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But Rent is the first set of the first play that they put on, where they did what they called rent rush, where you go in like five o'clock before the eight o'clock curtain and you get in line and you get a raffle ticket and if you win and if you get chosen, they raffle off the front row.

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Now at the, at the n, at the Niederlander theater, the front row is not actually the greatest of seats, because you're kind of looking up like this right, it's not the greatest seats, it's still.

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They're still good, don't get me wrong.

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But I ended, we didn't.

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I ended up getting a pair of tickets and I literally I could have reached up and touched their toes when they were on the edge of the screen.

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Yeah, yeah, it was totally on a whim and it was cold and it was.

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But we're like, oh, we're going to see, we're going to find out, we at least got to try.

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We at least got to try, because you couldn't get tickets.

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I mean, it was just no way.

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I mean you're talking about?

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You're talking about Adam Pascal and I mean, and all of them, they were just, they were just amazing, and I'm losing.

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I totally blanked out where the rest of them?

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But I usually can rattle them off like this so, but yeah, so, but anyway.

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Yeah.

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Anthony Rapp, the guy that plays on on the irrefutable new program that was also in Law and Order Forever, jesse Jesse, not Jesse Spencer.

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No, not Jenny, jesse Owens.

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But you won't figure it out.

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We will figure it out, warren Broward, if you are listening to this podcast.

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We want you to put in the comments who is it that we can't?

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figure out right now.

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I have a funny story.

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On the way to my high school we were singing La Valenne and it's the opera that my friends based on, and then my nephew just that couple of friends.

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I went to Sochi instead of doing the Irish short song that everyone went to and Tay Diggs walked in.

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Tay Diggs.

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Yes, it was so cool.

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I've never seen that before.

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I was a Lennon's.

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Oh, but La Boheme is great.

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I have a friend who still lives in New York.

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She studied at the Manhattan School of Music and he played in, and I used to go to New York all the time to go watch him because he was at.

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He was at the Lincoln Center and he was performing with the New York City Opera.

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So I saw him play in La Boheme, and La Boheme is amazing, absolutely amazing, but nothing like a little bit better than that.

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But anyway, god, we could talk about this stuff forever and I bet you, even though we're letting this go, I'm sure people are going to get a kick out of it.

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They usually do so.

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Okay, you had skylar, and where are you living at this point?

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So at this point we were living in Tampa.

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So we moved here to Tampa after living in New York City, which is where my oldest son was born, and so now we're here in Tampa.

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And Skylar's middle name because her dad was Japanese, so her middle name literally means happiness.

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In Japanese it is Sachi.

00:22:30.413 --> 00:22:38.525
And so we were here and Sky was fearless from the outset.

00:22:38.525 --> 00:22:46.934
I mean, by the time she was like five years old she had broken both arms twice.

00:22:46.934 --> 00:23:00.144
So at least she was fair, she was a monk and bar queen, and the only problem is that every now and then they got wet, which and unfortunately I was never with her, or maybe unfortunately when she broke her arm I would get the call.

00:23:00.144 --> 00:23:13.213
When she broke her arm, I would get the call, and sometimes it would be 26 voice messages from my mom going Meredith, where are you?

00:23:13.213 --> 00:23:19.423
Like when I would be at a conference out of town, or it would just be the Montessori, like Miss Meredith.

00:23:19.983 --> 00:23:22.146
I'm so sorry to call you.

00:23:23.849 --> 00:23:25.237
I think Skyler had it.

00:23:25.237 --> 00:23:28.516
I will let you know.

00:23:28.516 --> 00:23:30.655
Great to the orthopedic, yeah.

00:23:32.653 --> 00:23:33.637
I can't even imagine.

00:23:33.637 --> 00:23:37.038
And did you have the same orthopedist that saw her every single time?

00:23:37.038 --> 00:23:37.760
Oh, yes.

00:23:39.173 --> 00:23:45.049
And we had gone through all the cute little designs that were available for the cast.

00:23:45.049 --> 00:23:52.182
I mean the bright colors, the tie-dye, that teddy bear, they oh, that was right, they were out of it.

00:23:52.182 --> 00:23:57.875
That's a big disappointment, almost worth going for number five.

00:23:57.875 --> 00:24:04.623
But I had to cut her off at that point I was like the nose yeah, skylar, this is starting to get a little expensive.

00:24:05.346 --> 00:24:27.925
But now that I think about it, we should like we should go over to the coast guard place over here and tell them that they have to rename a ship and call it the ss arakawa oh yeah for sure, for sure but you know, sky outside, I was fearless, not only physically, but also just she.

00:24:28.125 --> 00:24:40.424
We had a turning point where I actually her dad and I were no longer together and I found myself in an abusive relationship.

00:24:40.424 --> 00:24:44.319
In fact, abusive relationship number one of two, thank you very much.

00:24:44.319 --> 00:24:48.914
In fact, abusive relationship number one of two, thank you very much.

00:24:48.914 --> 00:24:59.516
Another lesson to your viewers that you can definitely overcome that, and that's a whole nother topic here, but it is one that should ultimately end up being empowering to you as you get beyond it.

00:24:59.516 --> 00:25:04.181
But it gave me the opportunity because I was still very much.

00:25:04.521 --> 00:25:20.554
It drew me back into learning how some people dealt with formidable challenges and emerged as bigger, bolder versions of themselves, while some people were absolutely crushed.

00:25:20.554 --> 00:25:31.747
And so it was that really immersion back into the differentiating factor was always the inner game.

00:25:31.747 --> 00:25:34.459
It was always came back to the inner game.

00:25:34.459 --> 00:26:08.550
And so I went kind of back to that root of the Eastern medicine, the Aikido, all that, and I had a conversation with Skylar after one really kind of uncomfortable moment with this one particular man and really reinforced to her that just because people are quote unquote grown up doesn't mean that they don't have their own challenges and their own issues and that their issues are reflection on you.

00:26:08.550 --> 00:26:19.251
And it was like an unfolding for her, because at this point I really started listening to a lot of Abraham Hicks, esther, Hicks.

00:26:19.712 --> 00:26:31.378
I became a huge fan, and so it was really in that moment where Skylar blossomed as a human being and became a total yes, girl.

00:26:31.378 --> 00:26:48.407
She really wanted to keep up with her older brother and sister, incredibly smart, ended up just going academically and until, ultimately, she ended up at Yale.

00:26:48.407 --> 00:26:57.242
Her first venture abroad was Mom, I think I have a great idea for spring vacation.

00:26:57.242 --> 00:27:00.532
I think I'm going to go to Tanzania.

00:27:00.532 --> 00:27:08.464
I was like, oh okay, so is there a group with Yale that is going to Tanzania?

00:27:08.464 --> 00:27:12.400
No, I just think I would be a fun place to go.

00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:18.590
So I found a place called Art in Tanzania and, yeah, I'm going to go by myself, and I was.

00:27:18.590 --> 00:27:35.482
So that became the beginning of Sky doing these epic things visiting like out of the seven continents, teaching English to monks in Nepal, going to Ecuador, going to Croatia, all kinds of things.

00:27:35.482 --> 00:27:54.315
I mean I literally, without exaggeration, can say that she positively impacted the world by the time she was 22, more than most people do by the time that they were in their whole lives.

00:27:54.915 --> 00:28:07.372
Yeah, that's amazing yeah, thank you, yes, yes, so can I ask, just before we delve into some of this, about about lyndon and saya, what are they doing and where are they right now?

00:28:07.893 --> 00:28:19.311
so lyndon, and so I called him as a little boy ryu because that was, and when he was little he wanted nothing to do then with the name of lyndon.

00:28:19.311 --> 00:28:20.913
Realist is real is technically.

00:28:20.913 --> 00:28:27.057
Rhea was technically his middle name, and so Rhea was a dynamo.

00:28:27.057 --> 00:28:30.077
He set the bar really high for his sisters.

00:28:30.077 --> 00:28:32.579
Also, incredibly brilliant.

00:28:32.579 --> 00:28:36.622
He was the rock, the solid rock of our family.

00:28:36.622 --> 00:28:41.805
He was amazing, but he was very athletic.

00:28:41.805 --> 00:29:01.738
He ended up being one of the stars of his lacrosse team in college and then he went on after college to be one of Tampa Bay's 30 under 30, working with one of the major accounting firms here and then.

00:29:01.738 --> 00:29:02.397
So now he has moved on.

00:29:02.397 --> 00:29:09.814
He's midway through his 30s and he's chief financial officer of a big organization.

00:29:09.814 --> 00:29:12.078
Yeah, so he's doing fantastically.

00:29:12.519 --> 00:29:22.012
And then halfway, through his 30s, he's already in the C-suite, yes indeed.

00:29:22.853 --> 00:29:27.675
And her older sister is a force to be reckoned with as well.

00:29:27.675 --> 00:29:32.739
She is moving up the ranks of NBC, doing really well.

00:29:32.739 --> 00:29:41.403
Sia has two little boys, ryu has one, and then, of course, family to be continued.

00:29:41.403 --> 00:30:00.496
So they are both doing, they're both doing really remarkable things and I will say that they also, after the boulder fell, they just have been incredible siblings to Skylar.

00:30:00.715 --> 00:30:35.547
I mean Sia, for example, while working, living in Orlando, every single weekend, every single weekend, with the exception of her now husband's birthday weekend, every single weekend, for an entire year uninterrupted, she came on Friday to to man to visit either to miami or over to tampa, and she lived on the far side of orlando, so it was that was two and a half hours or land, miami was four.

00:30:35.547 --> 00:31:03.584
Every single weekend she made that trek to be at skylar's side and to give me a little bit of a breather when, in those first early days when Sky could literally not be left in a room alone because she couldn't sit up without being in danger of falling, Okay, so let's cut that right here before we get, because I really want to start the story and then roll that in, because this is a formidable part of this.

00:31:03.986 --> 00:31:08.300
Can I ask about just real quick because you mentioned Tampa and Miami what was going on in Miami?

00:31:09.251 --> 00:31:11.319
So that goes into our story.

00:31:11.760 --> 00:31:16.421
Okay, so let's continue.

00:31:16.421 --> 00:31:19.057
Okay, so everybody's doing well.

00:31:19.057 --> 00:31:30.161
Skylar is all over the world, and so she is in Columbia at this point, right, so technically she's in Peru.

00:31:30.201 --> 00:31:41.012
Yeah, so after you know, I did postgraduate fellowship in Peru, so I was supposed to be there for a year.

00:31:41.012 --> 00:32:05.826
I was supposed to be there for a year and I've been there for a couple months and my best friend's last future boss and I decided to take a vacation to Columbia and that happened on the second to last day.

00:32:14.190 --> 00:32:18.654
On the second to last day of I'll be held up there, yes, so so the setting is that sky had completed, so she's on a year-long fellowship.

00:32:18.654 --> 00:32:23.840
It was broken into four parts, four parts, sorry, three parts.

00:32:23.840 --> 00:32:45.021
So she just completed the first part, come home for Christmas and, on her way, headed back down to pick up the second leg, which the woman who was to be her boss in the second leg was her sister's age and had become her best friend in Peru.

00:32:45.021 --> 00:32:50.336
So the two of them decided to go down to Columbia and explore.

00:32:50.336 --> 00:32:52.040
They've heard that it was wonderful.

00:32:52.040 --> 00:32:54.272
They had like two weeks, something like that.

00:32:54.272 --> 00:33:07.844
Right, it was a long trip and she's sending me pictures of her literally rappelling down waterfalls and on these amazing beaches and doing all of these crazy things.

00:33:07.844 --> 00:33:31.934
And so that literally, yes, the day before she was supposed to return to Peru and pick up her fellowship, she and this young woman went on a rafting expedition, whitewater rafting, went through the dangerous part unscathed and then got to the grotto.

00:33:33.337 --> 00:33:51.471
And a few hours later is when I got the call, and the middle of a Friday afternoon, february 19, 2016, with Dana on the other end of the call, and at first I'm like, oh hi, dana yes, how are you?

00:33:51.471 --> 00:33:59.592
And then it starts, my mind starts going why is Dana calling me and Skylar's not calling me?

00:33:59.592 --> 00:34:05.723
And Dana, of course, is still traumatized because she's experienced what just happened.

00:34:05.723 --> 00:34:08.257
And I said where's Skylar?

00:34:08.257 --> 00:34:26.516
And she said I don't know how to tell you this, but Skylar's been in a terrible accident and I remember hearing her mumble something about this big boulder, this rock, something about this big boulder, this rock and it falling on Skylar.

00:34:26.516 --> 00:34:50.032
And I'm trying to, I'm in total denial, I'm trying to hear what she said and, of course, the part of my mind is going okay, just calm down, this can't.

00:34:50.032 --> 00:34:53.097
I mean, surely Skylar has, like, broken her leg and this is bad, but it'll be fine.

00:34:53.097 --> 00:34:56.983
And finally I get to the moment where I say, well, skylar's going to be okay, isn't she?

00:34:56.983 --> 00:35:15.161
And the pause there, where then her friend just said there are three doctors working on her right now, and they can't say you just need to get down here as soon as possible.

00:35:15.161 --> 00:35:29.422
And that moment of just putting the phone down and just, of course, at first, just this can't be happening.

00:35:29.422 --> 00:35:30.492
This can't be happening.

00:35:31.255 --> 00:35:48.380
We are supposed to have so much more time because, again, I had navigated being a single mom for years and years, thinking that once the kids had gotten to where they were now, that it would be fine, I would be able to breathe and I'd gotten through the worst of the worst.

00:35:48.380 --> 00:35:49.422
And now we'd have time.

00:35:49.422 --> 00:35:58.023
I would have time to kind of figure out who I am now, and the kids would go on and they would have all these wonderful things to look forward to.

00:35:58.023 --> 00:36:07.927
And now, all of a sudden, it was oh my gosh, skylar needs someone way more than me to be her mom right now.

00:36:07.927 --> 00:36:16.831
She needs someone who has millions and millions of dollars and who knows how to create a miracle, knows how to navigate these kinds of things.

00:36:17.753 --> 00:36:24.320
And it was a terrifying place to be initially.

00:36:24.320 --> 00:36:28.344
And so for the first few hours we're scrambling.

00:36:28.344 --> 00:36:37.565
But here's the interesting thing, brad, one in kind of my shock and realizing that I had zero idea what to do.

00:36:37.565 --> 00:36:40.795
I didn't even speak Spanish and this had happened in Colombia.

00:36:40.894 --> 00:36:49.653
All I knew about Columbia was what you would see in the movies, right, and so I put a tiny little post on Facebook.

00:36:49.653 --> 00:36:59.318
The woman who only posts about rescue puppies and chocolate put this little tiny post that said my youngest daughter.

00:36:59.318 --> 00:37:05.097
I just got a call and my youngest daughter has been seriously injured in Columbia, south America.

00:37:05.097 --> 00:37:09.713
If anyone has experience with this kind of thing, would you please reach out to me.

00:37:09.713 --> 00:37:28.797
And that is actually the very first post that is in our book the Sky is the Limit, because ultimately the book the Sky is the Limit captures all of the posts for the first four months and the whole unfolding and my phone just started blowing up.

00:37:28.797 --> 00:37:57.112
People started calling me because of course Skylar had friends all over the world and people were reaching out and there were people who knew people who were from Columbia and had office workers who were from Columbia and this and that and a few angels kind of evolved in the mix and a few hours later Saya and I were going to stay here in the United States to manage things here.

00:37:57.795 --> 00:38:08.172
Saya and I were racing to Tampa International only to be turned away by American Airlines, even though we had no luggage to check, and we told them the scenario.

00:38:08.172 --> 00:38:18.117
It was against their policy 45 minutes before the plane was supposed to take off to allow us to go on board.

00:38:18.117 --> 00:38:27.242
Needless to say, that didn't go over terribly well, especially with my son, but we ended up having him drive us down to Miami.

00:38:27.242 --> 00:38:44.864
So in the middle of the night, my oldest daughter and I boarded a flight to Bogota and then spent a couple hours in Bogota waiting for another flight that would take us to a town in Colombia that I still cannot pronounce to this day.

00:38:45.706 --> 00:38:59.719
Wook of my wonder or something like that, and then from there a four-hour drive to where Skylar was in the hospital in this tiny little town called Socorro.

00:39:00.650 --> 00:39:18.025
I can't even imagine what was going through your mind and the amount of time that had to go by the four-hour trip to Miami, then the five-hour flight to Bogota, then another couple hours then, another flight, then four hours.

00:39:19.751 --> 00:39:22.300
I can't even imagine what was going on.

00:39:22.300 --> 00:39:24.039
Just that, those, oh my, I can't even imagine.

00:39:24.039 --> 00:39:25.005
I can't even imagine.

00:39:25.005 --> 00:39:25.789
I can't even imagine.

00:39:25.789 --> 00:39:27.132
I don't even know if I want you to explain it to me.

00:39:27.132 --> 00:39:34.954
Uh, but I do want to ask skylar, uh, if you don't mind, if please feel free to say no, but do you?

00:39:34.954 --> 00:39:37.278
What do you remember?

00:39:38.059 --> 00:39:40.043
nothing about the day.

00:39:40.043 --> 00:39:48.063
I don't remember anything, but do you want us to tell you the story of what happened?

00:39:49.353 --> 00:39:50.530
Oh, of what actually happened.

00:39:50.530 --> 00:39:55.181
I mean, I think you did a good job, but I would be interested is what is the first thing you remember?

00:39:55.710 --> 00:40:31.422
I'm sure it's a waking up type of thing, but yes, I was in a medically induced coma for a while, so the first thing I remember actually is squeezing my mom's hand, one for yes, two for no, because my mouth was wired shut and even after that I couldn't talk for a while, so I just did one for yes and two for no yeah.

00:40:31.983 --> 00:40:44.240
So this older had cracked open her skull, crushed, her lungs fractured, her spine fractured both scapula, snapped her right thigh and pulverized her left ankle.

00:40:44.240 --> 00:41:01.932
So medical precedent indicated that basically there were four of her injuries that were virtually assured to be fatal, and clearly they were not.

00:41:01.932 --> 00:41:30.996
But actually what was interesting, brad, for me is that that flight became incredibly profound for me, because what I realized first of all is that resilience the time to find your resilience, to build your resilience, is not after the boulder falls.

00:41:30.996 --> 00:42:00.907
So what I realized is that this, as I, as the dust, kind of settled the perfect storm of negative emotions, I realized that for me, the most unacceptable emotion that I was feeling, out of all of them, was feeling powerless to help Skylar, and so that was when I was not willing to not be there for my child.

00:42:00.907 --> 00:42:08.085
And so I looked back and I realized that this was not the first boulder in my life.

00:42:08.085 --> 00:42:11.902
I mean, my goodness, I had been again.

00:42:12.063 --> 00:42:14.228
I had all kinds of disappointments in my life.

00:42:14.228 --> 00:42:16.083
I'd had all these quote unquote failures.

00:42:16.083 --> 00:42:22.505
I'd had two abusive relationships the ramifications for those had been immense.

00:42:22.505 --> 00:42:24.521
I'd had financial terror.

00:42:24.521 --> 00:42:25.704
I'd had things that happened.

00:42:25.704 --> 00:42:38.657
I was accustomed to my fair share of boulders and again, as a result of that, they had pushed me in the direction of studying the inner game.

00:42:38.657 --> 00:43:03.139
And so I realized that I may not be able to control the outer game no one could but I sure as heck could play a mean inner game and so I realized that if that was all I had to bring to my daughter, then game on, and this stuff was either real or it wasn't.

00:43:03.300 --> 00:43:19.436
And had I not had those hours, had that accident been like a car accident in Tampa, I probably would have rushed down to Tampa General or something and still been in that panicky frenzy.

00:43:20.077 --> 00:43:37.583
But because I had to get up at 30,000 feet and I had time to ask myself these powerful questions, it really I did not arrive at that little hospital as the second victim of this boulder.

00:43:37.583 --> 00:44:03.025
I was truly already at that point of force to be reckoned with and I was ready to lead Team Skylar, which meant that this global family that her friend had now alerted and that I had alerted that Skylar had this accident, now this global family was all believing oh my gosh, skylar is going to die any moment, any moment.

00:44:03.025 --> 00:44:36.030
That was not going to help her survive beyond this, so I had to shift it, which is what the posts on Facebook ended up being why they're in a book right now because people it started sharing them and passing them along, and so that began to really shift everything for us, and by the time we were able to fly her to Miami, some impossibilities had already taken place.

00:44:36.534 --> 00:44:38.842
That answers your Miami question.

00:44:39.123 --> 00:44:39.364
Yeah.

00:44:39.364 --> 00:45:10.034
So then we flew her to Miami, to Jackson Memorial, which is where the majority of the procedures took place, and the doctors there are really considered the Olympians of kind of neurosurgery and trauma, and so even they were so surprised to see what happened that they ended up calling us the Miracle.

00:45:10.153 --> 00:45:10.514
Family.

00:45:10.514 --> 00:45:17.742
I said that I've been on the Friday and I was enlisted to Miami on Monday.

00:45:18.543 --> 00:45:21.768
Wow, yeah, yeah, it was amazing.

00:45:22.668 --> 00:45:29.838
Yes, yeah, they have a fly and stay low because of the pressure.

00:45:29.838 --> 00:45:31.320
But yes.

00:45:32.121 --> 00:45:44.690
So initially they had thought so here's the thing about Columbia Most hospitals do not have an ICU, they are all privately owned.

00:45:44.690 --> 00:45:48.954
So fortunately Skylar was in one with an ICU.

00:45:48.954 --> 00:45:59.606
So originally they thought that maybe they would fly her because the facility would be better in Bogota, but there was the elevation that would add to the pressure on her brain.

00:45:59.606 --> 00:46:04.637
So the miracle started almost immediately.

00:46:04.637 --> 00:46:18.028
The little ICU happened to be located in a town where the former professor of neurosurgery from University of Bogota had retired because there were so many motorcycle accidents there.

00:46:18.028 --> 00:46:19.219
So he was there to help.

00:46:19.954 --> 00:46:31.480
But then they actually ignored some recommendations that they had gotten because, again, columbia isn't doesn't answer to the hipaa qualification.

00:46:31.480 --> 00:46:46.286
So they reached out to this big neurosurgery conference that was going on and was circulating all the x-rays and cat scans of schuyler and some of the highly esteemed neurosurgeons in the us.

00:46:46.286 --> 00:46:54.648
No, you need to take radical action and basically chop off a part of her brain to prevent the swelling which would have been irreversible.

00:46:54.648 --> 00:47:06.666
They chose not to do that and within 48 hours the swelling had reduced to what you might expect in two or three weeks.

00:47:06.666 --> 00:47:32.204
So we were able at that point, rather than to consider flying her to Bogota to find an airplane, an air ambulance that would airlift her to Miami, which is what we ended up doing, and she went through many procedures there, I told you that I'm not playing.

00:47:34.456 --> 00:47:36.240
Yes, she did, yes, she did.

00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:37.344
It was terrifying.

00:47:37.344 --> 00:47:38.847
It was terrifying.

00:47:40.717 --> 00:48:00.701
And you had great air paramedics, oh yeah, to bring you back and get you over to Miami as safely as they did.

00:48:01.041 --> 00:48:26.010
Oh yeah, so part of the crazy issue was that, first of all, in the ambulance that drove the four hours from Socorro back to Bucuramanga which is where the ambulance could her head would be banging against the top.

00:48:26.010 --> 00:48:33.313
They had limited amount of oxygen and no doctor in the ambulance with us.

00:48:33.313 --> 00:48:39.039
So what they hadn't been told was that she had that fracture in her spine.

00:48:39.039 --> 00:49:04.909
So meanwhile she's getting banged up against the top of the hospital, I mean of the ambulance, and so what is remarkable, another miracle was that with the broken bones it didn't nick her spinal cord and paralyze her, which, when we got her to Miami, they one technician slightly bumped into her bed, which was one of those rocking beds.

00:49:05.195 --> 00:49:05.556
Wilson.

00:49:05.597 --> 00:49:13.105
Bedway, yes, before she had the procedure to repair it, and one of the nurses just about bit his head off.

00:49:13.105 --> 00:49:17.481
That's how fragile it was, and yet it endured that.

00:49:17.481 --> 00:49:28.445
But when we got to Bukmaranga, just out of protocol, first of all, the Colombian team did not speak English.

00:49:28.445 --> 00:49:39.025
The American team had one person who could speak English, but they had to completely disconnect on the tarmac.

00:49:39.025 --> 00:50:02.998
So it took 45 minutes in the heat, with a limited amount of oxygen, to disconnect all of the Columbian equipment except for that which was physically embedded in her, and reconnect with American equipment and then get her back up this tiny little thing.

00:50:02.998 --> 00:50:05.804
So it was, it was formidable.

00:50:05.804 --> 00:50:06.965
It was formidable.

00:50:06.965 --> 00:50:12.923
So absolutely yes, the air ambulance team was unbelievable.

00:50:13.545 --> 00:50:17.356
Really, what's going through your mind through this ambulance ride?

00:50:17.356 --> 00:50:19.221
What is what's going on with you?

00:50:19.221 --> 00:50:24.239
I know it's, I know, I mean obviously mama bear is there, right, but what's going through your head?

00:50:25.342 --> 00:50:28.327
So I mean, so we are in.

00:50:28.327 --> 00:50:41.414
So one of the angels ended up being a woman who became like my sister, who actually lives here in Tarpon Springs, and so she was from Columbia, she and her husband.

00:50:41.414 --> 00:50:43.980
So she became almost like the interpreter.

00:50:43.980 --> 00:50:46.704
So we are on the phone with her.

00:50:46.704 --> 00:50:48.969
Who's on the phone?

00:50:48.969 --> 00:51:08.815
With the owner of the ambulance trying to tell the ambulance driver to slow down, stop, because they would speed and brake and speed and brake, and also there's zero visibility as you go around these corners, these switchbacks you just really can't see.

00:51:08.815 --> 00:51:12.561
So it was really nerve wracking.

00:51:12.561 --> 00:51:28.507
I was doing my best to stay in that really centered and aligned place which, looking back, it was remarkable how I was able to do that.

00:51:28.507 --> 00:51:31.150
It was totally it speaks to.

00:51:32.034 --> 00:52:02.547
Sometimes we have, I think we have a tendency to not always maybe I don't know whether it's believing that epic part of us exists when we're well, let me put it this way Sometimes I think we accomplish things that are epic not because we believe it's possible, but because someone that we love or someone that we know is invested in the outcome or thinks that we can and we don't want to let them down.

00:52:03.175 --> 00:52:10.548
And so that became my personal call to action was this is my daughter's life.

00:52:10.548 --> 00:52:26.822
Literally, if this works, which supposedly going back thousands of years, these laws of the inner game are valid, and if they are, then I am going to play them like I have never played them before.

00:52:26.822 --> 00:53:03.989
And so I really got into this zone of a knowing, and I absolutely became the sovereign of my own mind and would not allow my mind to go to entertain the possibility that this was going to be anything other than fine, whatever the new fine was destined to look like, and so that is what, I think, really kept me in a place that ended up energizing those around me.

00:53:03.989 --> 00:53:05.690
Even it became infectious.

00:53:07.338 --> 00:53:08.043
That's amazing.

00:53:08.043 --> 00:53:14.684
So basically, what you're saying is that sometimes you become epic or doing some.

00:53:14.684 --> 00:53:22.244
Let's just say what it is doing some epic shit, not out of necessity, because somebody's counting on you.

00:53:22.244 --> 00:53:24.829

Strength Found in Adversity and the Art of the Possible with Meridith Alexander & Schuyler

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