Overcoming Toxic Relationships and Cultural Norms with Gao Motsemme

Brad Minus: [00:00:00] And we're back with another episode of Life Changing Challengers. Listen, ladies and gentlemen, this one's gonna be epic. You haven't heard stories like you're gonna hear today. I have with me Gao Matsemme. She is a freedom illuminator embodiment queen, and otherwise a human MRI and psychic surgeon, which she's going to get into.

She has some stories that are going to blow your mind and how she got through them to a point where she is such a successful coach and entrepreneur today. So, Gao, how are you today? 

Gao Motsemme: I'm blessed and grateful and thankful to be here. Thanks for having me.

Brad Minus: The honor and the privilege is all mine. But first, can you tell me a little bit about your childhood, the complement of your family, where you grew up, and what was it like to be Hao as a kid? 

Gao Motsemme: That's a great question. And [00:01:00] before I can dive into that, I'm just going to extend my greetings to your audience.

So, Dumelang, Dumelang, Lugai. And, that is my greetings in my native language. I come from Botswana in Southern Africa. And I've been residing in Germany now for 10 plus years. And, Dumelang, it means in direct translation, I'll just say agree. You know, so as we're engaging here, meeting for the first time, having this conversation for the first time, and we are being called here by the amazing Brad at Life-Changing Challengers

my question is, what are you agreeing to? What pulled you to be here? What called you to press that button and listen to this? You know, and even when you hear the word life, the words life changing challenges, what does that tell you? What are the challenges that you? Maybe dealing with and what is it that you are learning from them, you know, and look, I mean, where are you?

Is there [00:02:00] something that you are refusing? Because the truth of it is. When you refuse the problem, you refuse the solution. So I invite you, since we are meeting for the first time, to connect to your body.

Let go of what you know. I know there have been amazing experts here. You've heard a lot. You know a lot. But the truth of it, we do not transform our lives by the information. The magic is in being and diving into the wisdom. And for now, may we listen to the body. Let us allow the body to tell us something and not as telling the body what to feel that is going to pay attention to the sensation.

Maybe you hear something, emotions are coming through and you're just going to acknowledge everything without even judging anything. So we're going to post this for all of our aspects of ourselves and invite them to be here. And I love the question that you asked me, how was it to be me? As a child, and that means our Children are also allowed here.

Since I'm diving into me as that [00:03:00] in a child. 

Brad Minus: Absolutely. And thank you for that. No one has ever done that. No one has ever been selfless enough to let us into the agreement and the The fascination and the language of our bodies and our minds, to get us ready to listen to you. Tell us about your childhood.

So thank you for that. 

Gao Motsemme: My pleasure. Yeah. So growing up, how I was just accepted as a queen and everybody loved me and all that. That was like my childhood. We always wish for that. But, I would say I knew. At the core of my being who I was since I was a child, I came through unapologetic. But coming from a very traditional family where this is how you have to be as a girl, this is how you have to dress up, this is how you have to talk, that [00:04:00] part of me was not accepted.

And, the words that my mom used to say a lot, it became something that I heard so many times. That every time I had to question who I was was you are not like any of my Children, so that was like the dance between me and my mom. We fought to say I can be me No, you have to be like the rest of my children Even the way I dressed up was questioned the way I showed up was questioned.

So Being a rebellious child because I believe I was rebelling against the norm right I was rebelling wanting to be myself Despite what is happening. I still remember one thing that actually was outstanding was one moment when she said something and I stopped in my rebelling attitude and I said, I can't be like any of your children because I am how and I can only be me.

Because my name is how, so [00:05:00] I was just saying that from that child rebelling attitude. And for the first time she stopped and she looked at me and laughed and it was kind of like, I don't know what I'm going to do with this. I don't know whether she's a child bastard or whatever, but I trust that something, she said something in her heart, but kind of like feeling speechless at the same time.

But, I went there through my life, living my life. Thinking that I've won. I speak for myself and all that. But what I didn't realize is that this Why can't we just be like the rest of my children was somehow the deciding factor in every decision that I was making, I wanted to belong, I wanted to be accepted.

So I would say that I was the wound that somehow I created my life from, despite thinking that, yeah, my rebellion child won, but there was the part of me that wanted to be accepted. 

Brad Minus: [00:06:00] Was that the way that she wanted you to be? Was that more familial, meaning that it was a, it was a tradition for your family or was it societal?

Gao Motsemme: I would say both. It was more like just cultural thing. This is as a girl, mostly it's more like even how you have to dress, you have to wear skirts, dresses.

As a child, even when you're spoken to, you don't have to speak, you know, so things like that, you know, and it doesn't mean it's just like, and it's quite interesting because I would say globally we experienced this thing where the child is not seen, is not had, right. Or is seen but not had. So it was like one of those things, but.

A part of me. If I know what I know, somebody say what I'm saying. I would just be like, yeah, and saying what I'm saying, you know, which was my truth, despite them not willing to embrace that. And I challenged a lot of stuff. I still remember even when my dad died when I was 14 and I still I was I was crying.

And my mom's sister was like, Oh, don't cry. I mean, that was a way [00:07:00] off of comforting me. Don't cry. Your father was sick for some time. So my 14 year old aspect looked at her and said, So what if he was sick for some time now, I can't cry, you know? So it's gonna like, why can't you just allow me to feel the pain that I'm feeling?

And I still remember even Because the tradition back home when somebody dies clothes and everything is kept for at least a year and then afterwards it's distributed. So I still remember when the things were distributed, we had to cut our hair when somebody dies.

And then when somebody went after this year, when things are distributed, we cut our hair again, like that's the tradition. So I cut my hair the first time. And after a year, I was like, I'm not cutting my hair. So the elders challenged me, you were crying that your father died and now you are not willing, to honor him.

And I was like, what surprises me is you claim to be. Christians, but there's something I think in the Bible about not cutting your hair for the dead or something like that. But I was just like challenging that. And I'm [00:08:00] like, it doesn't mean that if I choose not to cut my hair, I'm not grieving, but I choose not to do it because I don't even see the reason of doing it.

So my question, even in that rebellious thing was like, is he going to wake up when I cut my hair? But for me, if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense. 

Brad Minus: I grew up in the Jewish religion and when someone dies, you rip a piece of your garment.

Now, after a year, you sew it back up. And I'm like, what does that represent? And basically it's saying that, you know, you're willing to walk around with this ripped garment in honor of the dead, that person so why not? When I saw it back up, do they not come back to life? doesn't that doesn't make sense to me at all.

But again, tradition, right? So, and it's usually it's, it's, that happens with the, Oh, this makes it even, this makes it even better. Now, in order to keep with that tradition, they give you a pin, like this pin with [00:09:00] black, like a black, it's like a, like a black ribbon. So it's like, it's, know, it's a circle and then it's got two, two, well, it's got one piece.

That comes down and it's now it's it's serrated so that when you're ready to you rip it. So you just put it on the pin and you just rip it. And that's supposed to symbolize it. I'm like, why? What does that actually do? Now it's a pin. Now it's not even your, like, I can almost see it when it's your piece of clothing.

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: I could almost see that. And even then I was questioning it. But now they just give you a little pin. You just do this. And then when you're done, you throw a pin out. I'm like, that doesn't make any sense to me. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. Actually with that, we also had the, like for men, they'll put it, mostly it was blue or.

I think black or green, it tends to depend on whether the church that you're going to, the color that that church was wearing. And for women, it was mostly they had, there was like something that we have to put on your neck. [00:10:00] Like you wear that, it's kind of like wool. tied together and all that and you put it, you know, on your neck.

Brad Minus: Okay. I mean, and there's traditions for everything and wherever it came from. So how did the dynamic of your family So let's wait, wait, let's step back. How many, do you have brothers and sisters?

Gao Motsemme: I 

Brad Minus: drew,

Gao Motsemme: I have, I would say I'm the sixth child and then we have the younger brother, which 

Brad Minus: is 

Gao Motsemme: seven. Yeah. There was seven children. 

Brad Minus: Wow. Okay. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: How did that dynamic of your family change after your father passed? 

Gao Motsemme: It was challenging already, even when he was present, but then when he passed, especially for me, I was the disgust.

And, no matter what, as much as I had, I would say with my mom, it was always that dense, actually, [00:11:00] because some of my siblings were not, they were not biologically my father's. So with my mom, she had this thing of, I'm being present. For my children who do not have a father, like that was like a way of, I'm going to show up fully.

So you go to your father. That was like the way of plating or even knowing that my father is the one who's going to be there for me a hundred percent. So. When my father died, it was kind of like I lost my world, like all of a sudden, I didn't know who to turn to, like who I can trust that when I come and say I need this, he's gonna do everything in his power to get me that, you know, so it changed everything totally for me.

I would say there was this anger that came through. I felt like I'm not supported, you know, so it was huge. I felt more, alone on the other hand. You know, despite having a big family and this is the thing. It tells you can be in a big family. We can have a lot of [00:12:00] people around us, but still feel lonely.

Brad Minus: That's super interesting. And that answered my question completely. So, 14, you were either starting, I don't know what is it? What is it called in Botswana? Is it high school? Secondary school. 

Gao Motsemme: I completed my primary school. I was going to a junior school.

A junior school is kind of like something in the middle. And then that comes to high school. Yeah. 

Brad Minus: So what were you like in high school? Were you the popular girl? Were you the jock? Were you the loner? Or something completely different? 

Gao Motsemme: I don't even know what to call it, but it was like one of those girls.

It's kind of like I was still different in the sense of, this started in junior school where, even the way I dressed up, I would say every time I challenged myself. The normal scenario, you know, I still remember even when I was at junior school, I would say when I was like a year or two after my father died, the way I dressed up when I showed up, especially the way, cause we were wearing uniform at school.

So there were times when there would be a day where you don't wear uniform, you just come with the clothes. [00:13:00] So I started dressing up differently at times. I'll come with high shoes, like, dilettos and all that. And then I'll buy something, even though it was cheap, but it was kind of like, Yeah.

Many people were looking like, Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. All of that. So I always had that in me. I don't know. It's something that I love to challenge situations wherever I was. So I was that girl. I was that girl. 

Brad Minus: How did you do? And how'd you do as far as grades go?

Were you a good student? 

Gao Motsemme: I was a good student. I was a very good student. And then in no case student, not in the, like I had a problem, especially in the last year of my junior school, but I still did well because some of my books were stolen. So after my books were stolen, especially in science, I don't know, science and one subject, like there's a big book where you write notes for three years and someone stole it.

So at that moment, I was like, I don't have the energy to start from the beginning, write notes for my exam. So I [00:14:00] didn't do well in my science, but otherwise I performed well. I was very, I would say remembering even in high school towards the end, I had to sit down and ask myself if you don't do well, what's gonna happen?

I still remember having a conversation with my friends like after school, we have to stay behind and study. And they told me that Oh, how I trust that you can do that. And they never bought into whatever ideas that I had. So I had to sit by myself and do the work by myself. I had that consciousness that if I don't do anything for myself, whatever that they predicted about me would be right because like I said, I, I was born me and knowing who I was.

So every time when I showed up, I would still hear parents or elders just saying, Hmm, is she really want to finish school? This one. You saw it like I was like from since I was like seven, eight and all that, that was the talk around. So at the back of my mind, despite me being [00:15:00] me, I just knew that if I do what they said, I'll prove them right.

So I would say that I'll prove you wrong somehow as one of my big motivators. 

Brad Minus: The rebel, they said, Oh, you're not going to do well. And you said, watch me. Watch me. 

Gao Motsemme: I'll prove you wrong. Let's see. 

Brad Minus: Were you involved in any extracurriculars like sports or, okay, there you go.

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, I was doing even at the junior school. This is one thing that actually people felt bad because I was born when my father was 60 years old. So yeah, my mom was 14. My father was 60. So there was this thing.

I don't even know. I'm just remembering this the first time I'm remembering this in an interview, but my father being At the age that he was, there was this thing that even when, let me say, he buys me something, I want something and then he gives me money for it, I would get, [00:16:00] it's not a compliment but more like criticism.

I remember my mother's sister, my mother's older sister saying, hmm, is it because he gave birth to children in his old age? So he's just, Spending his money, you know, instead of saying your clothes are nice, I'll then get a critic about my father being old, you know, so I was, I would say that's the environment that I grew up in, you know, so as a child as well.

It's kind of like I was doing a lot of things. I was netball. In traditional dance in four B. I was, I was doing a lot of things in scout. I was just like all over trying everything. 

Brad Minus: Oh, that's, I mean, that's just pure curiosity. That's, you know, that's what you're supposed to be as a teenager.

Curious about everything. Oh, well, that's great. A little bit of everything. Just not him. Did you end up going to university? 

Gao Motsemme: I went to college. 

Brad Minus: Oh, is there? Okay. So, all right, here in the [00:17:00] states, the difference between university and college is that college doesn't have anything after four year degree, right?

Like, like, college would be like, you get your bachelor's degree, but that college doesn't offer a master's degree. University basically states that not only do they have the undergrad degrees, but it also has graduate degrees. Is that the same definition in Botswana? 

Gao Motsemme: There, what was different was actually, I didn't even know about the existence cause I'm, like I said, I'm just coming from a very traditional family.

So anything about the cities and what happens, I didn't know. So all I knew about was the university and then the agricultural university and that other normal one where like everything is there. So I applied to the normal university and I was not accepted. And then I visited one of my uncles who was living close to the city.

That's when I learned that. Oh, there is another college where it was more specific it was called, accountancy college and it was offering accounting, strictly accounting or I. T. So there was like more [00:18:00] specific, focus on, on either I. T. O. O. Accounting. So that's where I was.

I was taking the, on the other hand, I did. a bit of accounting when I was in high school. So it was more easier to get a place there. So that's where I went. I would say it was, the difference was just like there was, it was a new thing by then at the same time, you know, it was not well known. So that is the, that is the difference.

Brad Minus: Yeah. So here we would have you have prereqs. You'd have to take a science and a humanities and a social sciences and anything on top of your main classes. Did you have or did you just specifically take accounting classes? 

Gao Motsemme: In Botswana Accountancy College, it was like strictly accounting and then all the humanities and everything that was in the university. And then there was like strictly accounting. And when I look at, like, where I started the Association of Accounting Technology, it's all, it's all, it's coming from, the UK.

Brad Minus: Okay. 

Gao Motsemme: Cause yeah, we colonized by British. So it was like coming from there and then [00:19:00] from there, after you finish your AAT, then you do either ACCA or CMAT was like basically accounting focused. Okay. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. So here that's, that's a vocational school. So we have like ITT Tech and we've got different places where you can learn, you know, you learn vocations.

And that's all you learn. You go in, you learn the vocation and you're out. And they'll give you a certificate or they'll give you that. You can always go to, a college and take your prerequisites was they call it and that would be and all of a sudden you'd get your associates degree.

But yeah, we have that as well here. We just call them. It's just a different vocabulary. It's vocational school here. Or attack colleges, you know, they might call 

Gao Motsemme: it with the, what's on our country's college. What is different? 

And if they want to dive deeper, they can go to, but on our country's college and do the ACCA or similar, like another level of like, yeah. Okay. 

Brad Minus: Is that what you did after college? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, I did Sima. 

Brad Minus: Right. As far as the [00:20:00] job placement, when you got out of school, is that what you went ahead and did, did you did some accounting, you worked for the firm, did you work for the company first job?

Gao Motsemme: When I finished my studies, 

Brad Minus: yes. 

Gao Motsemme: Oh yeah, I got a job actually. 'cause, the advantage with this is that at times through your studies, you also go for a, what do you call it? An attachment for something like internship. 

Brad Minus: Yeah, 

Gao Motsemme: internship for something like six months or something like that. So I did that and when I completed my, internship 

I got a call from another company that I applied for internship. They wanted someone to work there. So I kind of like continued while I was studying at the same time. 

Brad Minus: Oh, nice. Nice. So you got to, you have to make a little bit of, you got to make a little money while you were in college. Nice. Very nice.

So, what did you end up doing? Tell me about what happened after now you've got your studies, you've got a job. What's, tell me about you. What was happening in this time? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, I got my job and, I would say [00:21:00] moved around different companies a bit. And then I ended up in this other corporate company, the Diamond Company.

Like, it's kind of like everybody wants to work there, which was great. And by then I had one child and I would say I got pregnant the first year when I was there in this company. After some time the company was downsizing. So, that was like the moment where I was like, okay, then what next?

Which was questioning even the way, like there was a lot of fear every three years there's this restructuring. And I was like, is this the life that I really want? I was not happy with that accounting job and even just in the in the in the environment that I was in.

I always say when some of these patterns that we are born into, they don't just begin and end at home, you know, we'll experience them in relationship, the relationship that I was in, despite having two kids, it was still, there was just a lot that was not okay. A lot of, I would say competition, a lot [00:22:00] of somehow, disrespect, cheating and all that.

It had its own toxicity, competition in the sense of, I can see your facial.

In the sense of like, at times you're not aware, but when it comes to partnership, partnership is more like we become, we come together and the main goal is for us to elevate each other and help each other grow. For me, that's how I see a relationship. But when I look at the relationship that I was in, it was more competitive in the sense of.

Some of the advice that I was given while I was progressing, because there was a moment where I left the company that I worked for for something like three years. And then I got a company that I worked for for a few months and I was fired because somehow I missed work.

And my, cause my, the person was helping me with the child income. So I stayed home and I called in. And now when I came back, I was fired. I was like, okay, but, I already went to an interview It's kind of like I was always ahead. So when I was fired, I was like, okay, fine. I've [00:23:00] got two weeks free. I'm going to be with my, with my son.

And then I moved to this company. So at that moment I was earning a little bit higher than my then boyfriend. So somehow I guess it's something that he was not happy with. And then I got a job after some time. Where I was aiming a little bit higher than him and somehow he was not happy and I was not happy at the job that I found at that moment.

And in that I worked there for a month, but I was just like, I made a fucked up mistake here. So I was just like, I need something. And thanks God I was called to this corporate company and it was paying me double what I was aiming in that particular company. So that means now my salary is like four times higher than my boyfriend.

So he was like, Don't go to that company. Don't go. And he was, it's not like, it's kind of like your repetition and all that you move him from one company to the other. I'm like, this is once in a lifetime opportunity. And he was kind of like sick in a way. He even [00:24:00] left his job without even serving notice and moved out of the country.

You know, move to South Africa. Yeah, I mean, that was one of the times that somehow it's kind of like I gotta get something that is at least higher or at least that power with you. So it was not, I would say it was not really that supportive and or that it was more competitive, you know, 

Brad Minus: so, yeah, my question is, okay, so let's talk about society where you were at this appointment. As far as the men that you're dating that wanted to be were more competitive or was it just 1 man? Was just one guy or was it there was a couple of guys that were feeling this competition with you.

Gao Motsemme: Oh, that's a good question. But I would say this is like one relationship that has more longer and like where we even at some point go to stay together where I was like, More aware of this pattern. Otherwise, other times I didn't I didn't care. It's just like in my [00:25:00] not caring attitude and doing what I'm doing.

Brad Minus: Okay. So back to my question. As far as society goes in the environment that you were in was it embarrassing for a man to have a wife, girlfriend, whatever that was making more money than him? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. Looking at the man's ego and the whole belief that men is a provider, I would say, yeah.

I still remember in one company that I was working for, there was one lady who was a boss. And somehow he was married to somebody who was not a boss somewhere. And still people talk about that relationship and I'll be like, but what matters is like the, whatever that they have working on, they're happy and they love each other.

That's what matters. But I'll say culturally, societally, yeah. So that should tell you a lot that indeed there is this thing of, like proper definition of rules and then who has to have more and, and all that. 

Brad Minus: That was a roundabout [00:26:00] way of what I was trying to get you to say.

So you did it exactly what I was asking for. 

Gao Motsemme: Crazy in the sense of even when it comes to, to. When I'm saying rules. Even when it comes to like family, I mean, we are in 2024, but I still know quite a lot of men who believe that, oh, I can do that.

You know, let's just say even when, maybe your in laws visit and let's assume you and me are married and they come and they see you either nappy or cooking is kind of like, what the heck happened with my child? What did this woman do to my child? Like it will be that kind of. That can be like, oh shit.

Something has happened, did she did something to him or he's not a man enough. Sometimes people measure masculinity based on this, I would say the toxic or wounded masculine of, I can't do that. I still remember my siblings were older when I was growing up. So when [00:27:00] my father was there and my mother, cause my parents were very, there were more, 

Brad Minus: there were 

Gao Motsemme: So they were never around. So they were more in the farm or my father was at the kettle pool. So I was living with my older sisters, because their children were also more my age, right? So when my father was around, even if I wanted to be with him, but I couldn't be with him because he was not able to take care of.

Me as a child, you understand? So that means I would still be by my sister and just go visit him or just want to bring food or something like that. So it's, yeah, it's that. 

Brad Minus: I see that. Yeah. So yeah, out here, it's not, we have a, we have a bad saying. It's not, it's not the greatest thing in the world, but it works.

We have a saying it's called happy wife, happy life. So it's basically saying, Hey, if your, if your wife is stays happy. You'll be happy too. So if she asks you to [00:28:00] change some diapers, you better change them divers. If she says, can you make us a sandwich? You make her a sandwich, you know what I mean?

But you have the ability as a husband to ask the same thing, you know? So, and, if you love your wife, I mean, it's the same way, you know, exactly, you know, in the age 

Gao Motsemme: that I was born, it's crazy that a wife will be busy doing whatever that they're doing and a man will because it was the time of the newspapers.

And those are the things that for me as a child, I was just looking at this and I'm like, I don't want this. I don't want this. So I was not in alignment with that. I always had that opinion that I had even as a child, like if it means having a family or having kids.

No, thank you. 

Brad Minus: Oh, yeah. No, no, no. I get that. So I get that you were born with this authenticity with your like, [00:29:00] no, I am me. And this is what you get. I am not going to, cater to what the societal role says I'm supposed to do. And the fact that you were able to continue to do that is amazing, especially in what I would say was kind of a, very traditional, environment. Is that, is that, is that about right? Is that where, but is that where I'm going? Yeah, 

Gao Motsemme: It's very traditional. And actually what is coming to my mind, even when you say that, I mean, when I look at it, like in terms of like that tradition, yes, I grew up in that setting and I look at it at the same time from the perception of this tragedy, which is also a part of me that also had a problem with this part where I feel like it's still a mess.

You know, where the spirituality is more like a combination of this religious, which, like, where I come from, it was more Christian, Christianity beliefs and all that, you know, [00:30:00] and, and then a combination of the tradition. it all becomes so oppressive. That's how I felt it for me even as a child. And I was asking questions and I was just told you will never be with anyone.

You will never be, you know, all those things. But I was, I was just having like normal questions. And for me, like at the core of my being, my soul was not really resting with all the things. Even when I went to church, there was a certain place, some churches, there was a certain place for you.

For men and some church women will sit on the floor. Men will sit on the chairs. I'm like, what the heck is this? So my question was, I still remember having a conversation with another man and I say, what if God sent me to be there and say something to the people? What if I'm sent here for something? And in that time, what they just said is like, Oh, men are the ones who are only given that position to.

I had to believe to lead or be pastors or priests or whatever in the church. [00:31:00] And I was like, Oh, I don't know about that because something is telling me that there is something that I'm here to do. So if as a woman, because I don't have whatever the men, basically, I don't have the men genitals, so I can't say that I feel like it's still in taking something from me.

So I learned the way church was not interesting for me either. You know, which was one of the things that my mom used to say, like, Oh, I don't know what happened because you used to go to church, you used to pray a lot, but all of a sudden it was not in alignment with me. 

Brad Minus: That makes a perfect sense, especially because, Catholic religion, Christian religion, it's, very strict on how to act, what you can, cannot do.

It's super strict. All right, so let's move on a little bit. I, Understand through some of the research that I've done and things that you put out that you actually ended up, moving, you ended up in two different countries and two different continents with different relationships.

Can you tell us how that happened and what happened? Let's start with the first one [00:32:00] and how you ended up moving from Botswana, Into a different country. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. I was working for this amazing corporate company where I was earning lots of money. One of the things that being a prideful independent woman that I was, I did everything by myself when the father of my children was not willing to take part.

I was like, okay, I can do this and I don't give an F and I continue doing that. So there comes a time when the company is now downsizing and I'm like, what the heck am I going to do? Because. That company was the highest paying company in the country. So I had to question myself.

I just bought a house at that time. And besides that, my Job or my profession was a big part of my identity. You know, we live in a world where we are told what to do and all that before we find out who we are. I took pride in the company that I was working for. I took pride in the profession that I had.[00:33:00] 

So when that was happening, it kind of like, yeah, it's rocked my foundation, you know, and But a part of me was excited even when I was going through that, that when the company was downsizing, I actually chose to take a package and a part of me was like, I'm going to move to the U. K. You know, I didn't know how it's going to do it with two Children, but it's something that I've always desired.

I remember when I was sitting with either my friends or talking, I'll be telling them this is what I'm going to do. This is how I'm going to be working this way. Like, I'll just tell them all the stories about me abroad. So when this happened, I was like, okay, time for me to relocate.

But I didn't know how the heck I'm going to do that. And after I took the package, I was back home and by then the things that I used to do during festive season, I didn't have any interest. I felt like there is something that is emerging within me. 

My younger brother had an accident and he died and I was just crying. And when he came from the kettle post, I was like, Oh my God, I'm glad you made it. Because I had this dream and it was [00:34:00] real. I was talking about the plans that you had for yourself and he just said, Oh, I'm going to live for a long time.

How don't worry, which I love the response. But two weeks later he had an, he had an accident and thanks God he didn't die, but it was a very bad one. And I had to now sponsor his recovery and all that. But, I remember seeing him at the hospital afterwards. I knelt and I said, God, please save my younger brother.

And I'm willing to do what I came here to do. So I believe that that was the part when I said yes to this purpose that I didn't even know what it was, but I was saying yes to what I have always known in my heart, that there is something that I'm here to do. So after that, I lost my mom and shortly after my then ex boyfriend took me to court because I met.

I met my now ex husband when my mom was still alive. I'll tell her about him, even though they never met cause he was here in Germany and I was there in Botswana. And [00:35:00] he always said, my mom used to say, this one, this one is just crazy. She's there in the room. She's there. She's talking to her man.

And it's kind of like, I don't know what to say in English, but in Botswana, he would say, like, More like she's talking to either an alien or a ghost or something like that, you know, because she was not familiar with this whole zoom thing and all this kind of like, what kind of man is like this one?

This one is crazy because they've always, that's how they referred to me. Like the crazy one, I always do things that were not normal, but then, yeah, then she passed. And my ex boyfriend, went, I believe someone cause they will always have someone close Who knows what they know, and they'll be the first to leak the information outside.

They say that the water can, the water from the ocean cannot sink the ship unless there is something in the ship that, yeah, so [00:36:00] yes, so somehow somebody told him something. And before I knew it, and that was like the first time when I moved, I was actually in Munich. I just came to see how it is in Germany, and then I was called by my sister like, Hey, that paper's here.

Your ex boyfriend filed and he wants the kids and stuff like that. So yeah. But, even then my head was high. I was like, okay, there is evidence. Everything is there. I took care of the kids by myself and he was not present because along the way, you know, something's happened for a reason, despite being a prideful, independent woman that I was.

I remember a friend of mine saying how you need to report this guy for maintenance. You know, I know that you don't need the money, but at the end of the day, you don't have to be doing this by yourself. And at times as women, we do that. Just because you can, doesn't mean you have to do it by yourself.

And I somehow listened and I went and I filed. I filed for that. And I still remember, you know, the toxic relationship when I was going to file, this guy came back and he was like, Oh, I'm gonna marry [00:37:00] you. You know, I don't know why you have to do this and all that. And I'm like, Okay, fine. If at all we ever get married, then we'll cancel this thing.

But I'm filing and I'm sticking by this. And he was ordered to pay, which was like 1000 pull up a child by court. But he still didn't. So I was holding into this thing as evidence that he was even support his Children and he didn't. And here's the evidence. So when I went back home, I hired a lawyer.

They had, like, one of the best lawyers in the country. So I had to find someone who somehow had hopes or trust that he can be able to represent me against those best lawyers and all that. But when I came out of court, the person who walked in, I just couldn't, I didn't know what happened. I couldn't believe what happened, but it is what it was, you know, it's kind of like I was there, but I was not, I was not even listened to.

I was not heard. It's kind of like I was the wrong person in all ways. I don't even know what happened. I couldn't even hear what my lawyer was trying to say, even at that moment. And I went and, look for another [00:38:00] lawyer who also made promises.

And then at the end, she was like, no, let's just try to mediate. So I don't know if it was because they were afraid of this guy, this big guy who was representing my ex boyfriend by then. But they said, no, we can just mediate. There's no need for you to go to court and stuff like that. We did what we could, but nothing was coming out of it.

We went to the third lawyer. And, still nothing. I would say nothing positive was coming out of it. I still remember that the time when I was called by social workers and they said, you need to come here and meet you, the boyfriend and his girlfriend. So I was like, so I should come alone and have a conversation with my ex boyfriend and his girlfriend.

And let me tell you what, who's girlfriend. That was like the woman who was married to his, to his brother. So by then, I don't know whether it was my judgmental aspect or whatever. I was just like, I just wanted to puke at the whole thing.

I was just like, this is [00:39:00] BS. And I still remember telling this woman that I'm not coming to that meeting. 

He was living with his girlfriend, but still the court found it. I mean, it was a whole mess that it's more than 10 years ago. Even up to now, I can't tell you a story that makes sense. Even then people still believe that how you just making this up. It doesn't make sense. First thing, you are not married with this guy.

He doesn't have that much rights over your children. Second thing, he was not even present that thing. He doesn't even have a place of his own. He's living with his sister in law. What, what, what are you saying? You know, for me, morally, it was not okay. And the social workers, when the social worker told me that you are naive, this is the woman who's gonna be with your children.

And I told her that I'm not attending. You know, if it means losing the custody, then so be it. And the next thing I get a call from my lawyer, how I heard that you gave the father of your children the custody. And I'm like, I didn't do that, but this is my argument [00:40:00] and the funny enough, and when you hear about corruption, the social worker has nothing to do with it.

She is representing the Children. She is the government's representative, but more representing the Children. So now tell me how does it happen that when I'm telling her challenging her decision to say I'm willing to meet with the father of the Children, but I don't want their Girlfriend sister in law to be there and then how come all of a sudden they his lawyers are calling my lawyer and say, oh, there's no case She she she said she is giving how how does that happen?

You know, if it all there's no judicial injustice Those are the things but at the end the conversation was had my lawyer came to sort of like be the supportive person in there so that there is more, yeah, kind of like neutral, whatever. But on the other hand, it didn't bring anything because I still lost my case by all means.

And I appealed, went to high court and all that, and I lost it. But at the end, with just the pain of everything, even when I go to my children's, [00:41:00] activities. My ex boyfriend will come with his girlfriend, sister in law, children and everybody. And I'll be there by myself alone. It was, it was difficult.

So there was a moment when I said, fuck it. I can sit here and be tortured every time with this whole situation, or I can choose to leave. My life and I chose to relocate without the children because I believe that was the agenda because he knew that my children meant a lot to me and without me relocating with them I won't.

So I ended up relocating to Germany by myself and I fought the case while I was here. 

Brad Minus: Wow. So yeah, talk about injustice. The guy wasn't present in their life. He was asked to pay what we call child support. Didn't pay that. And then all of a sudden, because he found out that you were looking to relocate somewhere else with somebody else, he decided to sue you for custody.

You had all this evidence stating that no, this guy wants [00:42:00] nothing to do. All he wants to do is hurt me. That's what he wants to do, but you're gonna let him go off with my children? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Wow. That's, and that even went out to the appellate court and you went to appeals and it still didn't come back to them.

That, wow. Yeah. We think our, 

Gao Motsemme: and the judge was a woman, this is like, one of those things where I was sitting in that court looking at this woman the offices that I've been through and all that, like some people that I knew who at times would be like, Oh, I know some people in this offices. I'll just ask what is happening. And the responses that I got was, Oh, how when you go to offices, you need to humble yourself. You need to, like, don't speak English, only speak Swahilanda.

And, like, it was all these stupid small things that for me did not make any sense. You know, if I'm working in and I'm confident and I believe this does not make any sense, I have to question that. You know, but every time it was kind of like, Oh, don't [00:43:00] speak English. Try to speak Setswana. Humble yourself.

I'm like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? What is humble yourself? If the feds are there looking at us, is it about me or is it about the children? You know, and it's like one of those things where, even like I said, the judge, it was kind of like, well, you just got to push me in no place.

It's kind of like what I experienced in my relationship. So it's kind of like who the hell do you think you are? Then i'm going to offices and i'm still receiving this. Who the hell do you think you are? You know this kind of thing where Even the word humble. There was a moment where I hated that word because even now I can't say I really know.

I don't know what it means because people believe that I don't know what being humble is. I'm being who I am. I'm speaking the truth about what is here. You know, it's not even about right or wrong. It's kind of like this is the situation here, you know, and so it's kind of like you have to be begging.

You have to be or maybe I [00:44:00] have to be on my knees and then and be crying and all that. You know, I don't know. I don't know. I just failed to understand. And this is someone not only because of all that in all my relationship was very good at attracting people who had And background with alcohol as well.

So one of the reasons why, even when he said that I didn't allow him to be with the children, yes, I refuse. Especially when he came and wanted to take the children when he was drunk, I wouldn't allow that. And I believe everyone in that right mind wouldn't let someone to go with that children when they're drunk and even all the insults and all that.

But still no one was willing to, hear me out. 

Brad Minus: He's an alcoholic. He's a deadbeat. He's homeless because he's living with his sister in law. What the heck's going on there? Which is not necessarily the most moral thing in the world. Yet you provided a stable household.

, you were making a good amount of money enough to take care of them. With or without his [00:45:00] maintenance payment, and you provided them with their education and everything else. What the heck? Who could not see this? This is like straight out. It's, oh my God. So the social worker, you said, who is supposed to, be the representative for the child.

Did they, were they speaking out on, Where they had, do they have a choose a side where they were they giving an influence number where they'd say, Hey, I think the Children belong with how they don't belong with this guy. They belong with how 

Gao Motsemme: It was like, I can't even say what I have to say.

It was more like I just have to accept that. whatever the court says, because like I said, when we're in the process of that, the woman said, you will be naive if you think that, this children are not going to be mothered by this woman because they're going to be staying by her house. So you just have to deal with it.

Yeah. So in that situation, there was supportive of my [00:46:00] ex and his girlfriend, because it doesn't matter even what they say, because the situation is the situation as it is, I still remember one thing that they love to put out was like, Oh, we don't have an issue with how we just want to be civil and we want us to work together because even if she can move to the abroad, our Children are cousins and all that.

And for me, it was kind of like This is all fucked up. What are you talking about? Even what you mean by being civil, you know, 

Brad Minus: you're taking my children away. It's personal. 

Gao Motsemme: No, no, no. So I guess the whole being civil thing. And I'm like, I'm just like, I want to give you a middle finger right now.

Don't tell me shit civil nonsense here because there's no, you know, and just rewinding a little bit, When, as a woman, your nutrition always tells you, it always guides you. I always knew there was something, especially after my second child was born.

So [00:47:00] something, there were some things that were just happening that made me question a lot of stuff. So for me to even find out, it was like just one morning I'm waking up, I'm going to work and I switch on my computer at work and I'm here on my computer. And then something just comes to mind, check. His email and I open into Yahoo and I type the whatever email address and I'm like, I don't know his password and I'm trying the first password and then it there I am in the emails and I'm going through the emails.

Okay, cool. And, I read a lot of his girlfriends and stuff like that. Even some of his brother's girlfriend, like whatever that is going on, it's kind of messy. So I go through that and I skip this woman's emails and I just go through that. But I'm pissed off at the same time.

And I go home. And when I get home, the first memory that like I'm having a conversation with something that I don't even know how to explain, but why did you [00:48:00] not read those emails? Because I skip the emails of the system. No. And I'm like, okay, I didn't have any wifi at home.

So I go there tomorrow. I check and I find that even the time when I was at the hospital, there was a relationship going on all this time. So that's how I got to find out. And I remember after I found out about this and I asked him, I was like, Oh, you are just dirty.

And, he came that weekend and he was like, if you dare tarnish my name, I'll take you to court, I'll sue you. And he even brought this girlfriend, opened the car and said, come and slap her and all that, like, it was just a lot of shit that is happening. And then years later, here we are now in court fighting for the children.

And here's the thing. When I say rewind, even the time when I found out, I remember I called his, I called his father and I said, this is what is going on. And he came and said, by the look of things, it seems like the mother always knew. And he said to me, you need to be careful [00:49:00] because my ex wife said she's going to do everything in her power to take your children away from you.

And I wonder what kind of a mother she is because the time when we were divorcing, I had every right, every reason, every evidence for me to take her children away from her. But I couldn't because I knew that would kill her. So There I was years later experiencing that. 

Brad Minus: That's incredible. Cause let me tell you something.

If I were in your position. Oh yeah, it would be on. So you are a much better person than I, than I am because you start taking something away from me. Nope, nope. All everything's off the table. So kudos that you had that ability to say, you know what, even though I am going through this, even though my children are being taken away, I know that I have the ability [00:50:00] to have the evidence to tell, show her what I was feeling.

You said, Nope. She says not strong enough. And if I do that, I can survive what she's doing to me, but she will never survive if I turn the tables on her. And that is a mark of a truly good person. So kudos. And yeah, you're a much better person than even me. No, but I'm not. Well, you are. If you had the ability and that might have actually gotten your children back and you didn't do it because of what you knew would do to her.

I think that makes you a pretty damn good person. 

Gao Motsemme: If I ever had a way, like we always say that I'll kill for my Children. That's where I was. I was, I was reaching at that level. And, at times when we think we have, we're dealing with an enemy, it's kind of like I have to kill this person before they kill me.

And my [00:51:00] thoughts were there, my heart was there. But the question is, how the fuck am I going to deal with this? I didn't know how, you know, so even the moving away doesn't mean that there was nothing that was waiting within me.

And that's when I learned the way when I would say somehow my high self was just making herself. known. And it was quite interesting when she says, Oh, the way you want to deal with it is not, it's not the right way. This is not what you came here for. And I was just laughing by myself, like, Oh shit, don't tell me that, you know, that I just wanted these people dead.

So it's quite interesting when you face yourself and it's kind of like, yeah, I'm, I'm that bad, you know, but that's not what you came here for. Not, not in this lifetime. That's not your path. 

Brad Minus: There's thoughts. And there's actions. I think we have to allow ourselves to have the dark thoughts so we can realize that we don't need to act and we shouldn't act based [00:52:00] on our personal values.

You're going to have the dark thoughts and I think you have to have them in order to battle that darkness. Right. Let's move on. You moved to, you moved to Germany. And you don't have your children. What happened at that point? You found a job.

Did you, were you continuing to fight? How did that work out? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, I found a job and being here. That means it was me and, yeah, my then husband and we're traveling and all of that, but still a part of me wherever that I went. I can't be happy if I don't know what is happening with my children.

And at the same time, when I speak to them and they're happy or I see pictures somewhere, they're happy. I felt betrayed by my Children. I was still fighting the case and I still remember. One day when I came from work by then my husband was saving and I was alone.

I just had this nudge to start writing and [00:53:00] I sat down and the first thing I had a shower and I sat down by the dining room and I started writing, you know, and the words that came through was, who are you without, without your mother, your father, your religion, your house, your career, your husband, your wife, like everything that we've often attached to who we being, you know, and I was just like, Mm.

This is good. But at the same time, I would say there was a part of my ego that was not like thinking or connecting to that message. When it said, Who are you without the Children? That caught my attention. And I still remember I threw away the pen and I said, So this message is for me.

You know, so I started questioning. But who am I? I don't know who I was. I just I just cried, you know, because I was so wrapped up into the whole thing of I have to fight my for my Children. I was here even not being freely myself because I had shame, you know, as a woman. First thing, even the way I come from, there were times [00:54:00] when a woman is married and she cannot have children, she is either divorced or the husband can have another woman, you know, this is like the tradition that I come from.

And now here I am, I gave birth to this two children, but I can't even be with them. So a part of me felt like I was ashamed of who I was, you know, even at times when I shared the story, I shared the story, but when someone said, Oh, I don't know if I'll be alive if I was you. So I kind of like, Maybe I'm not living enough.

The fact that I'm still alive, you know, so I question who I was. So when that message came through, It was like exposing another layer of the truth that is not taught in the society. Who are you without your mother, your father, your religion, your car, your house, your husband, your wife, your children. So I, I, I cried, but I was also curious of who the heck I was, you know?

So while I was going through that finding who I was, I still remember the time when I was in my body [00:55:00] and, I had a moment where I was, told it's time for you to do what you came here to do. So, okay, what the hell is that, you know, to help people with your gift.

So at that moment, it's kind of like I felt my soul leave my body and I connected with everyone on the planet and I could feel the pain of suffering on the planet, the cries and everything. And while I was connecting with that, I also connected with myself before I was born. And there was this aspect that was crying, I don't want to be born on this planet.

I really didn't want to be here. You know, so and then I came back into my body and the question was, do you still want to continue being here? So I knew there is pain in the planet. This is why I didn't want to be here. There are people who are crying because of whatever that they're going through, but I'm gifted to eliminate that, but I'm sitting there.

So I would say that was also one of the moment that was highlighting [00:56:00] my journey. And I said, but what am I going to say to people when I show up, teach them a new way of being? That was the response that I got. So as if that's not enough, I still remember one day I was at work and I received a call. This was like the first time that this guy called me while I was here.

And I was like, what does he want? And then I answered and he said, you may need to sit down for this one. I sat down and he said, Fiona had an accident. She was bitten by rottweilers and, some, Muscles or beans that have been teared by this by the stocks. So I don't know if she'll ever walk.

Brad Minus: This is one of your Children. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Oh my God. 

Gao Motsemme: That moment my gratitude all this year's was I'm glad that my Children are fine. I've never been called because one of them is sick [00:57:00] or anything. And that moment, it was kind of like one thing that I held into is gone. And I felt every fighting power in me, every, I am strong, dissolve.

And I hated to be strong at that moment. But at the same time, a part of me that said, I'm tired of being strong. It's kind of like I allowed myself. To be a certain that I let go of the mask of strong and allowed myself to feel. That's why I'm a big fan of the power of vulnerability and authenticity. And, I went back home, but at the same time, I had this hope that something is going to happen because now there is proof.

You know, because this accident happened when they were supposed to be a school. But because the father was drunk on that Sunday, the following day, they didn't go to school and then the accident happened. So there is evidence, you know, so when I went and did what I did, the woman who was a social worker at the, at the hospital took my files and she said, this is a simple case, let me see what I can do 

[00:58:00] she brought back the file and said, if you were meant to get help, you would have gotten the help. But what you're dealing with, it's a spiritual thing. And she handed me back the files.

You are fighting a spiritual battle.

Brad Minus: You are fighting a special battle. 

Gao Motsemme: It's not something physical. It's something that may need me to deal with it energetically, spiritually, whatever. And funny enough, even one of the offices that I went through, when you look at it, when something like are not meant to happen the way you desire.

I went into this other office that was like helping with cases like this. And when I went there, the office that I was assigned to, when I opened that door to get the help, the person who was on the other side of that table was my ex cousin. And I said, Yeah, conflict of [00:59:00] interest. You can't help me. But on the other hand, it's a losing battle because not long after I received a call from him saying that I had that you're in this offices that are all the stories.

But after all, I ended up coming back home. And then I was still trying to find a way. How can I get help with this? But the voice that came through was You're not going to win. The odds are against you. So what am I supposed to do? Do the inner work. You need to forgive everyone involved in this case.

And I just laughed like a mad woman. I said, forgiveness. What the fuck are you talking about? Forgiveness. Do you want your children back? And I said, I do.

Are you willing to do the work? And I said, I don't know how to forgive. I don't know. Are you willing to, [01:00:00] if that's the only thing that I have to do, then I'm willing to. And I asked, what am I going to do? Show up every day, sit and be open to connect. And I asked again, like, how would I know if that forgiveness is this complete, that heart will open and you'll have your children back.

And I trust with this work that I was doing, I was getting downloads that were helping to dissolve whatever pain and resistance and resentment that I had because I was somehow detached from the outcome and I was not even doing the forgiveness from the mentalization where at times we just rushed to say, Oh, I've forgiven yet.

Someone is showing up with a lot of emotions and pain, you know, so I was sitting with myself and being open. But the next thing that I know is I was sitting in the altar and, this guy was going through his own dark times. But at that moment, what I connected with was My [01:01:00] children need their father.

So I just knew that whatever that has to happen, I just asked to be led so that he can be led to the light and choose to leave no matter what he's going through. And after that, it's kind of like I caught myself in that moment. I was just like, who the fuck am I? Because I didn't recognize the woman that I was, the woman who wanted this person dead and the woman who is now praying for his life, you know, so this is the power of doing the inner work.

Because at the same time, when you look at life. There is a reason why at times we go through the fire that we go through, you know, when you ask me, what does this whole journey mean to you? I would say this journey was happening for me and it's like I had to collapse all that I thought I was, all that I bought into so that the real me can emerge.

This was bringing me to myself and I refused the lessons, the journey. I can't say I would have [01:02:00] been the better parent to my children. You know, I would still have parented from the limitation, the fear, the unworthiness, the anger and everything that I had, the not being accepted and everything just from childhood.

That's where I would have come from. And, through all that happened, now I get to connect with my inner child and see my inner child through my children's eyes. I get to connect with my parents and also understand that parenting is not, like they say in German, it's not a baby's play, Another message that came through along the way was you are angry because you believe that these Children belong to you, but they don't belong to you.

They belong to God. They are on that path. Are you willing to find your own path? Are you willing to leave your own purpose? You understand? So through that, it's just like understanding that. I don't own anyone and, I can be grateful for the five years because my daughter was five years when we [01:03:00] separated, my son was seven years.

I can be grateful for those years and embrace the time that we shared together. Even if it was like physical death, I was still going to mourn but still be grateful that they chose me and they connected with me and I got to experience how it feels like to be a mother, you know, but on the other hand, Who am I to refuse the path that I'm being called to walk?

Brad Minus: Wow. Okay. So that

I, I, I can speechless. The idea that you were given instruction or a, a path stating that, Hey, you know what your children were, are remaining with their father, who's got all these strikes against him for a reason. It's God's path. That they stay. You've, you've done everything right. You have gone ahead and you've fought for them.

You've [01:04:00] showed them that you're willing to, fight for them, but for some reason, God has a different path for them and they need to follow it. And that means staying with their father. Meanwhile, you have your own path you need to follow and you can, you should not deviate from your path In order to, detour them from theirs.

So that, that's really powerful is that the starting of where you started to feel that, okay, what you went through can teach others? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, it was at that moment when all the anger that I had somehow dissolved and I'm here in this marriage where now I'm stepping up.

To say, this is who I am. There's a path that I'm being called to. And this loving husband of mine said, that's a fantasy. There is no God that exists. You have to just get out of your high horse or whatever nonsense and come back to the real life here. Or even when [01:05:00] I spoke about that, I've forgiven my ex and all that, he was very angry about the whole thing.

What do you mean you've forgiven them? Have you forgiven him? And now it's quite interesting because at first like we're together and focus on this problem and now when it's kind of like now the time is here, our attention is on us now it's kind of like we realize in this gap that is here and this is also one of the things that if the other one is doing the work healing and all that and the other one is not.

then somehow you outgrow each other. So when I was called to my path even the time when I was just grateful for the way everything is just evolving, it's kind of like there was also that competition with God where it's kind of like, Oh, we did what we did as well. It's not God and all that.

So it's kind of like, I didn't even know what to talk about in all this thing. So, Yeah, that's that's where I was. And while I was stepping into this [01:06:00] path and then I was pregnant with my little girl, which at that moment I was not even, I actually realized I was pregnant when I was coming back home after my daughter was bitten by dogs.

And I was also angry with that, you know, because I was in the marriage where there was still an alcohol issue, you know, so as much as I was married, but I knew that I don't want to have children. With the same person, despite having different names, you know, so, yeah, then I found that I was pregnant.

So my then next husband was angry that I was angry that I was pregnant, you know, but on the other hand, yeah, it's a conversation we had. And because he said, I'm going to change, but he was not changing. So, you know, It was clear that the child part is out of the way. But when I was angry and expressing where I'm coming from, he was just angry that I don't know what he made it mean, you know, and we went through what we went through.

And it's quite interesting because when I had my second child, At some point I was at the hospital and my ex [01:07:00] boyfriend who was supposed to be with me was not there. He went to his sister in law slash girlfriend. And here I was as well after I gave birth to my daughter in Germany. And, the following, I didn't see my daughter even because it was, yeah, it was a traumatic birth.

So cesarean and all that. So I saw my, my daughter after like 24 hours. And then the following day, my, my husband then didn't come to the hospital. So I still felt abandoned because here it's even worse. I don't have any mother, sister, whatever. Like the only person that I had was my husband and here he was, he was not present.

So it's kind of like the repetition of the same crazy thing again, you know? 

Brad Minus: Right, I got my first question. Did your daughter recover 100 percent from the from the bikes from the dog bites? 

Gao Motsemme: I mean, she can walk. She's fine. But, on the other hand, she has to live, like, Most part of the thigh is like [01:08:00] gone.

Like it was really a bad like she's living with this whole. 

Brad Minus: So she was permanently affected by it. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: And the daughter that you had with. Yeah, she's 

Gao Motsemme: she's okay. 

Brad Minus: Okay. Good. Good. That was those were the two things. I was just like, I was like the way you said traumatic and I understand it was basically that they had to do a cesarean.

Gao Motsemme: She also had some neurological something like will it be. When I look at it from the energetic side, the body was not firing up with the head. It's kind of like there was a disconnection somewhere. So even after, after she was born and they say there were some cysts in the brain and some cysts will never disappear and some stuff like that.

So I still see. Stood my ground with what I believed to be true, because at the end of the day, when it comes to the body, like everything is energy, no matter what illness, you know? So when I had all this as much as I was, going through my own thing as well, but [01:09:00] I just held the truth that everything is gonna, is it's gonna be corrected as like it's gonna be held, you know?

Even at that moment when I was holding that space for all this things to be fine, he still kept on saying, come back to the real world. But after the first year when we did some scan and all that, this disappeared. And the neurological issues that she had was gone because the head was bigger than the face and all that.

So there was a lot of issues, but, I'll say whatever that it was meant to be, it's not what it was, you know? So she's just a normal child. 

Brad Minus: And so are you and are you still married to the to him? 

Gao Motsemme: No, no, we've been divorced now. 

Brad Minus: Okay. And how old is, how old is the, how, just tell me how old your children are. 

Gao Motsemme: My son is going to be 18 in October. And, my daughter is now 15. She's going to be 16 end of January next year. And my daughter is going to be seven in November. 

Brad Minus: Oh, that's [01:10:00] great. And you still are in contact with your children in Botswana.

Gao Motsemme: Actually, like, when I was told that when you've done the work, your children will come, You know, I gave birth to my daughter and after my daughter was born in November, December was the first time that my Children visited me here. And then shortly after in that May, 2018 May, my daughter moved here and then 2018 December, my children moved here.

So I've been living with my children now. Yeah. A happy ending. Yeah. They've been here with me. And, the interesting part is as soon as they came, another issue started, you know, with my with my ex husband, the divorce and and then he went his own way and did exactly what my ex boyfriend did.

You know, being white and being in a white land, he used his white privilege to do whatever that he does and separate me with my daughter. So it's kind of like, Okay, [01:11:00] so this is what it is, you know, so it's one of those things. So I'm on this journey with my little daughter as well to see where that is going to end up.

I always say this, that the universe is quite interesting because After being separated with my husband and at the moment where part of me was kind of like I was angry on the other hand with his alcoholism, I felt like if this could change, maybe things would be better.

And I remember I was in a meditation and the question that came through was what part of him has a problem with his drinking. You know, and I was like, what kind of question is that? But at that moment I had this download is kind of like, I didn't have a problem with this man. I had a problem with my father.

So a part of me that attracted this people was a part of me that was looking for its father. So it was kind of like I was attracting what I was on the other hand. That's the love that I knew when I said I am a daddy's girl, you [01:12:00] know, the love that I knew was the emotional unavailable alcoholic. Father, and that's what I attracted in my relationship.

You know, this is why I was in Botswana completely different continent and I attracted the same behavior and I was here and I tried the same behavior here in Germany and experiencing, the same kind of challenges and all that, you know, so it's some of the things that I had to do. to heal and integrate my inner child and let go of all because it's not about what we know consciously.

It's the unconscious aspects. You know, I always say the unconscious always win, you know, as much as we may think we know what we know, we want what we want. But sometimes when things are not working out, no matter what you're doing, you get to go back to the roots. Like, what is it that I know? And even when I'm saying I want love, what is that you experienced as love, you know?

Brad Minus: Do you know about the edifice in the electric complex? 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. So, I mean, it came from Oedipus. Oedipus, you know, killed his father and married his mother. The electorate was opposite. [01:13:00] Killed your mother so you can marry your father. You know what I mean?

Basically stating that you're always looking for someone that was like your father. And it's a subconscious thing. But you were able to figure that out and break that pattern. That's good. So when did you start your programs and your coaching?

Because it's obvious that you've learned. Going through all this adversity. 

Gao Motsemme: Yeah, I've been doing this works for seven years now. I would say one of the reasons why it got so hot in my marriage is because I was not willing to turn my back on myself.

Despite what my. Ex husband said, what he believed and not believed in what I do. I just told him that without this work, because I felt like the one thing that held me to still be here is basically my spiritual work. And without it, I wouldn't know who I was. And also seeing what I did, turning my things around, healing.

My Children and all that, you know, it was like I want to speak at the top of my my lands and say that there [01:14:00] is another way of being indeed. And it starts with us, knowing who we are and putting the power that is within us. You know, it's not about because the first thing when it comes to logic, some of the things when it comes to logic, it doesn't make sense when you told me back then when it comes to you.

This whole case and you say, just save your money, do the work on yourself. I would have said you are crazy, you know, and went and paid many different lawyers, thousands and thousands of money, but still didn't get anything out of it. You know, and many people may be still doing the same thing where. Things are not working on.

And the first thing is kind of like, I'm gonna go out there, whether it's you doing drugs, alcohol or spending money on lawyers and all that. It doesn't bring anything. And when you look at it, even at the end of the day, whether even when I won, one thing that I will really say is like, I'm so grateful that I didn't win as I somehow hoped, expected, wanted in the beginning.

I don't think it would have, [01:15:00] I would have learned anything through it. First thing I would have attached to who I was as in like the mother role, 

but on the other hand, through my journey, I got to learn that it's not about It doesn't matter who you being, you know, I still remember when I went to, to one of the therapist, I went to the therapist because my ex husband went to the therapist and said, Oh, my wife has a problem. She has, PTSD and all that.

So she needs some help. So when I went there, she's like, she told me, he told me like, we're going to go for marriage counseling. So I'm like, okay, cool. If you're willing to do something for this marriage, let's go. So when I got there, the therapist, The therapist is like, so what is happening? I heard you have PTSD.

I got angry again. Like don't even tell me that he came through with this nonsense. I don't have PTSD. I'm flipping angry that somebody who should have been there for me at the time when I needed him most, he was not there. He didn't come to the hospital. Second thing, I come home. My daughter was at the hospital.

I come home after a [01:16:00] cesarean. I stay in fifth floor. There is no, there's no lift or anything. It's no elevator. So I'm going to the fifth store, but still, if I don't go to the hospital, no one is going to check on the child. When I talk to him about the drinking, he throws the keys at me and say, okay, then you drive.

So like all these things, I was flipping angry. So, so yeah, I was at this therapist, but at the end, I just like, sort of like, cause I knew her before we just kind of like made fun. I was like, I'll come talk to you if at all there's a need. But at the end I didn't get any help in the sense of she was, you know, When you are not healed, even if you're helping people, you're going to project your wounds or health from the woundedness, not necessarily from the neutrality.

So what was stressing me with going to her and at times discussing some of the things, she was like, Oh, Call this offices and tell them how stressed you are and just apply for full custody and all that and share all these things and I'm like, I'm not really there. He might be having a problem [01:17:00] with alcohol and all that.

And I know that. But on the other hand, I'm not here to take the child away from him. You know, I just wish him to be a part of this child's life, you know, so I don't know where I was coming from. I need to share that. I don't know what question you asked. Yeah, but here I am. Yeah, here I am helping people.

It doesn't matter what you're doing, but the most important thing, like I said, is to work on yourself, integrate your emotion and also understand the holistical thing. Because if something is happening. For us, and we are making it about the messenger, which is in this case, all these people were coming through with that mirror to say there is a part of you that you may not be seeing.

But this is where you are creating your life from. So I can receive the message and still hold the space for whoever that they want to be. It's scary, you know, and going through the divorce and all that is scary. But on the other hand, when I look at it, even the voices that were coming through in that time to say, What is it that you want?

Why can't you just be happy with what you have? You know, it was those [01:18:00] people who were before me, my ancestors and all that. But on the other hand, that does not have to be my truth. And I say this because I received my divorce papers. in my dream before I received them in my physical reality.

So alone, all distance is just a lot that happened, but more open in that path to say, these are the things that are holding people back. Including even when I talk about breaking free from ancestral lineages, even with me, just started with that way.

When I had to say my name, there is a middle name that I use, I was called after my father's sister, and when I wanted to say that name, it was hard to say it out, and another portal open while I'm trying to say it, and I connected with the time when I was born, when I was called this name, how cool.

Cool. My father's family had this thing of apathy, kind of like that better than whatever, you know, [01:19:00] my, from my mother's side and kind of like, Oh, this woman, and then this child is going to be called our name. So these are the things when you look at it, I can look at it between me and my mom and say, I was not fully accepted as I was.

But when we look at it, it's also other energetical stuff that happens. And these are the people that, I have the name from my father's side. So when it comes to ancestral imprints and all that, it comes even with your name. When you say your name, you are saying your name, you are saying your ancestral lineages name, you know, and it's part of your identity.

And it's quite interesting in my native language, when we say, An ID, like an ID card is called Oman. Who are you? Right? So when we meet someone and like, who are you? Oh, give me the identity card. You identify with your name and your name has many generational imprints that happen. 

So it's a big part of what I'm doing. And I believe that all this journey as it was happening, it was part of the initiation of my work. Cause when it comes to communication or even helping people, I can't hear what you're saying. [01:20:00] If my beliefs are in the upfront, like the, I felt her ring, whatever that you say, or who you be.

So when it comes to communication, the biggest thing is letting go of that judgment. That's when I can hear what you're saying. But if I'm coming in with whatever that I know, think is true and all that, then I'm not going to even hear what you're saying.

Brad Minus: That totally reminds me of an episode. I think it was episode 30. The guy's name was. Aiden Gabor and he grew up in a mob family, basically in a crime family. That's how he grew up. And I remember the question that I asked him, I was like, 

did you grow up knowing right from wrong, meaning morality and virality, or was your right from wrong determined by the family? So in other words, you know, when the world says murder is wrong, if the family said, and if you're, if you're right and wrong comes from the family and the family says, if this [01:21:00] person does this to the family, then you need to whack him for lack of a better term.

You know, you need to murder him and that's right. That is absolutely right. So for at that point in his life, you know, that's what he was taught. That's what it was. There was no ifs, ands, buts about it. If something happened, you need to take care of the family, family first, every single time. And you need to remain loyal, loyal.

And if that means killing someone, then you're going to kill that person. And that to them is absolutely right. When you're saying that you need to be free in order to coach, you need to be free of all your values and stuff and place yourself. In their moralities and values and and morals. That's that's quite a lot, you know, to be able to separate yourself.

But that kind of long goes along with my next question as we start to wrap up is where did you come up with? The Freedom Eliminator embodiment [01:22:00] queen.

Gao Motsemme: Freedom Eliminator. That word just came through. I was just like lying down in the morning. I don't know what question I asked, but what came through was just that. UI Freedom Eliminator. You know, an embodiment queen. It has to do with me helping people to be in that body. Like when I do when I'm talking about the human MRI psychic surgeon, when I connect with people, I connect with that.

We may be speaking, but on the other hand is the body that is communicating to me. So I'm aware when somebody is disconnected from their body, And my role is to help them come back to the board is like, because when you go through life, when things happen, it's kind of like we're losing aspects of ourselves.

So at times we think, and that is us, but many aspects of ourselves are lost along the way in relationships and all that. If you want to talk about the sexual energy that at times when we sleeping with people, we taking all this, whether it's negative energy, [01:23:00] whatever that other people are carrying, 

you know, negative entities and all that. So there's just like a lot energetically that happens that informs us. So by doing this work, I help people to come into the body and feel safe in the body because there's a reason why people leave the body in the first place. And when it comes to creation, whatever that we desire to create, whatever that we desire to give birth to.

The truth of it is you can't give birth to what you don't conceive. So if you are not in the body, it's going to be hard for you to manifest things in the physical reality. It's going to be an idea and remains an idea. And it's going to be hard for you to give birth to it because it's the same process of having a child.

It's still the same process of giving birth to something that you desire that you want to see in physical form. 

Brad Minus: That's brilliant. It is absolutely brilliant the way you were able to put that on. I can see it. And I gotta tell you, ladies, gentlemen, just so you know, if you go to how much time is dot com, and check out her website, the amount [01:24:00] of testimonials that she has out of people that have found themselves have breaking away from their patterns, have re committed to marriages to, and finding new relationships.

It's incredible. You just have to, scroll down and look at all the testimonials. This woman knows how to help you free yourself. Of the things that are keeping you from ultimate freedom and helping you find the person that you are meant to be. So, check it out. I'm going to put the link in the show notes and as you see, it's her name dot com 

and you got to see the first video she's great. She sits there and talks to you like you're right there and it's awesome. So you needed to go check that out. She's got different, programs, the 4 is of prosperity power, pleasure and.

Blueprint. She has, a sexual energy course. There's something in there. If you're stuck, you need to [01:25:00] find yourself. You need to figure out where you want to go in life. This is the woman that's going to coach you into it because she's going to come from the body.

And the spirituality versus the logical, right? And you might just find what you're looking for. So last piece of advice. You can give us how 

Gao Motsemme: that's it. That's a good question. There is a lot of things that I can say as I started.

It's not about information, but transformation. You know, if you've been going around collecting information, reading lots of books, I believe you know by now that that cannot bring anything. You know, because you can't, you can't heal what you don't see. You can't heal what you do not feel, you know? So my advice is, you know, things are not working out.

So go to the website and book a call and let's see what you need to do to align with yourself, because whatever that you need to, to create is that with who you are, [01:26:00] you know, you can't have what you do. And what I just want to also say is, Here's the thing. The level that you are not fully free is the level that you are not fully loving, and that is the level that you are not fully growing, and that is the level that you are not fully joyful.

So when you look at every aspect of your life, you know what you are showing up as a fake and phony aspect of yourself that does not exist. Be yourself so that you can align with what you deserve and desire because sometimes you are looking for something and you feel like it's not coming through.

It's not coming through because you are not. You are being who you are not. You know, if you want wealth and you are busy being a vision that was accepted by the family, by the society, by the culture, then you are creating from the templates that you inherited that you were born into. But when you choose to be yourself, then you get to align with that relationship blueprint, that wealth blueprint, that emotional and mental blueprint, that [01:27:00] spiritual blueprint.

Because some of us, we're talking about beliefs and all that, and it's all not ours. So it starts with, are you really being yourself? Are you in alignment with your unique signature blueprint? Cause there is a reason why you chose the personality that you chose. And I truly believe that we choose our personality in alignment with what our soul is here to experience.

Otherwise you wouldn't be who you are, but I learned the way we buy into the mask. 

Brad Minus: Excellently said. And that is one of the top tenants that she has. Is becoming unapologetically you and I love that. And thank you so much for being with us. How I cannot tell you the amount of takeaways that you've given us and those will be all shared in the show notes.

Thank you again. I will have her socials. I will have her website in the show notes.

So go in there, click that. And while you're there, if you like this episode, please go [01:28:00] ahead and share it with someone who might like it and might can use it. Secondly, if you're listening on Apple podcast or Spotify, please go ahead and just leave us a quick review. I don't even care if it's good.

If you leave us a bad review, you lift the review and I have feedback. So just tell us the truth. Be honest with yourself. If you liked it, great. If you didn't tell us why, and we'll be able to, make some adjustments if we need to. And if you're going to YouTube, then, go ahead and share and subscribe and like and all the other good stuff.

So thank you so much for being with us and we will see you in the next one.