Overcoming Self-Doubt and Addiction: Shane Jacob’s Path to Transformation

Brad Minus: [00:00:00] And we're back with another episode of life changing challengers again, my name is Brad minus. I'm your host. If you're just joining us and with me today, I am super excited to have Shane Jacob with us today. Shane is the founder of the horsemanship journey, which is coaching programs and it's also a podcast that he started.

He works with teens and parents to manage their minds, which we're going to definitely talk about, but first let's get to the good stuff. Shane, how are you doing today? 

Shane Jacob: Brad, thanks so much for this opportunity. I love your show. And I appreciate the chance of, being able to be here with you today.

Brad Minus: Well, I'm honored to have you, especially some of the things that I've read about your story, which we're going to get into. But first Shane, can you, Tell us a little bit about your childhood, maybe the compliment of your family, where you grew up. And what was it like to be Shane as a kid?

Shane Jacob: Yeah, sure. You betcha. You know, I grew up in, throughout Utah, a beautiful state. My family is, from a ranching family. We [00:01:00] spend our summers and part of the school year in, one County. And then, as we moved, Our sheep and horses to the desert range. The whole family migrated to, Utah County and we changed schools and we went back and forth that way.

I had a pretty solid, I feel like I had a pretty good upbringing. You know, I didn't have any specific traumas. I felt like everything was pretty much okay. I came from a very religious family. And, so we had a lot of rules and I have a big family. I'm the oldest of eight kids. My mom was a busy lady.

Brad Minus: Wow. Eight kids. 

Shane Jacob: My dad was, an only child. And so when he married my mom, they decided right then and there before they even began that they were going to have a big family.

And so, you know, mission accomplished. I'll say this, that, you know, as I, basically the trauma in my life is that I created it. And so, As I, was, as I got to be a young man, and I'll say into my teens and even [00:02:00] into my 20s, for whatever reason, and perhaps maybe we all do to some degree, maybe a little bit more as we come into our own as we're growing up in teenagers, adolescents, and we're making the change to adulthood, I had these thoughts in my mind that, yeah, I just didn't know if I was okay.

I thought something was wrong with me. I thought I was less than I thought that I was deficient. I really thought that I was not the same as everybody else. And I, can't explain where or why I had these, a lot of these predominant thoughts. 

Brad Minus: So, okay. So let's just ask a couple of questions.

Just, for curiosity. It's like, first of all, eight kids, you're the oldest. How far are you from the youngest? 

Shane Jacob: Well, that's a good question. Boy, I've got a, I'm a long ways away. I have a daughter that is older than my youngest brother. We have a pretty, pretty big span. The [00:03:00] first six, six kids or five or six kids are just about two years apart.

So that had put us 10 years apart, but then the last two were kind of stragglers way out on the end there. 

Brad Minus: Everybody's same mother, same father. 

Shane Jacob: Correct. 

Brad Minus: Wow. So that your parents still together. 

Shane Jacob: They are. 

Brad Minus: Oh, that's amazing. That's amazing. And that's that goes to tell you, you know, the whole big thing going on today.

They talk about that, you know dysfunctional families and all that is because the father's leaving the nest and everything else. But it's a testament that, you know, people that are in I think Our peer group. You know, we've had nuclear families and people stay together longer, but that's fantastic.

So when you were moving county to county and you were moving the let's just call it heard for lack of a better definition, because I don't know, did you find that there was a settling in period between each county or did it [00:04:00] happen so, so much you just, you picked up where you left off or in both sides.

Shane Jacob: You know I've struggled with that as an adult for a long period of time, but especially when I was a kid, it didn't matter. It seemed like every year with every class and every grade and everything. It just says I struggled to fit in, you know, and these were just feelings inside of myself. It's not what people I don't think what in looking back, I don't think people receive me and did the best that they could and teachers and even classmates.

I don't, you know, wasn't felt like I fit in and everything, but it was a struggle for me because super shy having these thoughts of, you know, inadequacy. Am I okay thinking something's wrong with me thinking I don't fit in thinking I don't measure up thinking whatever I'm thinking that's causing me to, you know, withdraw, be quiet and just really, you know, have a hard time settling in and we're doing that, you know, every year, a couple times.

Brad Minus: Yeah. Oh, well, that makes sense. That makes sense. Because you're constantly having to hit that [00:05:00] stress both buttons or by the time you're kind of maybe settled in, then you switch and now you gotta do it again. So, I mean, that definitely could cause some issues as far as I'm concerned.

Did you play any sports or anything in high school or was it just the fact that you're between two counties all the time that didn't help? 

Shane Jacob: I was able to, yeah, I played football. I wasn't the greatest football player, but I played football in high school and I wrestled that was pretty, pretty good wrestler.

And so, you know, when I fit into groups, I really tried to fit in and I did fit in and I felt like I was part of my peer groups and that kind of helped me and I felt a little bit bitter of that, but I fit in, but, you know, sometimes I found myself doing things that were not, you know, consistent to what I believed in.

Sometimes I'd, you know, tell lies to be able to fit in and sometimes I'd, you know, just do kind of whatever was happening to be able to fit in. The big thing that happened to me. Brad, was that when I was 15 or 16? I think I was 15, that was the first time I experienced alcohol and all these inhibitions that I have and [00:06:00] all this thought that was uncomfortable and fearful and all this uncomfortable, difficult feelings that I was having.

Game over problem solved. I found my answer, my solution right there. And so, you know, I didn't realize it at the time. I just knew that felt better. And I found myself over a period of years as I went into my 20s and went through, tried to go to college and tried to make it on my own and ended up getting married at a young age.

And I thought a young age, I think I was 22 or three or something. And. All of this time, I'm coming back to alcohol when I don't feel good because that was where I kind of found my way to feel better about the, you know, the problem that I had that I didn't know how to cope with the thoughts that were going on inside my mind.

Brad Minus: Yeah. You thought you found the answers at the bottom of the bottle. That's where I found it. So [00:07:00] yeah. And you know what? I, and I think a lot of people follow that, you know, follow that thing. I, was like you when I was younger. Except that I think because I was an only child, my parents like found that, like they figured it out.

And kind of misdirected me in the, in another direction, but I was exactly like that, but I was on the wrestling team. I was on the track team. I was on the cross country. And when I was with those people, I was fine. But the minute that they were gone, I was like, okay, now where do I do? Where do I go? And I, so I, I definitely connect with that with that, thought.

But my, dad was like so strict about education and everything that it was like he, they figured it out and directed me into other things. So, but I imagine that, you know, with eight kids, you know, sometimes they can't recognize that in every single one of them, one of you, 

Shane Jacob: you know, I was good at hiding it number one.

And [00:08:00] number two, I think when they did find it out, you know, I was pretty good at evading it and trying to be my own person, my own adult and go my own way and you know, pretty soon I just, Left and asked and I was to my own. And so this, pattern led to, a 20 plus years of daily drinking to excess, I mean, seriously to excess.

I left a trail behind me of literal destruction. and pain and suffering. That is, that's what happened. And that, my, at the time, inability to deal with me resulted in so many people. The worst part of my story is, you know, is what I can't change. And that is the people that suffered as a result of my decisions, which were many, which are many and deep [00:09:00] and painful and permanent.

And so the, you know, finally it took me a long time and I say By the grace of God and with the help of horses, I was able to break free from this cycle because as I'm doing this, okay, this, and it was a progression, you know, it progressed and progressed. And finally, in the end, I was drinking so much.

I was barely able to you know, to function this whole time. I'm functioning. I'm paying the bills. I'm trying to pretend everything's okay. And around me. Okay. Everything is disintegrating slowly as my progression is increasing, right? I'm building up tolerance over years and years. I can drink so much in a day.

It's just I was on a show with the medical doctor and she, you know, for crimes, it's a miracle. I could even live through drinking that much on a daily basis, and I believe it. I mean, I thought I was, I went to a medical detox. The first, the one time. When I [00:10:00] decided that this was enough, because, you know, I really truly believe that I would have a seizure and die just come.

My body and my brain and everything about it was addicted to this and meanwhile, I don't even know what's going on. You know, I'm living in this alcoholic haze. And the most important thing is my relationships. The close relationships with the people I love are just slowly just disintegrating because here's the deal.

You just can't, you're not present. I can't show up and be present in a relationship when you're, you know, swacked all the time and just living in this fog and haze of. of alcohol, you've just checked out and it had so many, so many negative repercussions that, you know, eventually I just destroyed these relationships with my children and my then wife and and, it goes on and it gets worse and, every day, okay, at a certain point, every day I'm [00:11:00] waking up and I'm going, man, I have to stop this.

I have to stop this. I'm waking up later and later and staying up later and later and getting less and less done. My money's going down and down. And I beginning to see even through this haze that everything's not going well. And I've had. You know, I ended up I was locked up for multiple times.

You know, I was incarcerated. Those things are, you know they so all of the behavior that I'm doing as this going is further fueling my ideas of inadequacy, that something's wrong with me, I am literally doing actions that are proving my thoughts to be true. Now, let me tell you something that when you do that, yeah.

And in addition, you wake up every day and you recognize that you're doing something that is not consistent with, you know, to be right. And then you just go and do it again, the same day, again, and again, day in and day out, month in month out year in and year out. It [00:12:00] changes you. And it is not a good kind of change I'm talking about right now.

And it's, painful, you know, and it's difficult that the things that we can do. And so, One second, 

Brad Minus: one second. I want to step back just one more quick. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt you. I just want to gain a connection here with the behaviors that you were, that you're talking about and and the the adjectives that you're talking about with the pain and everything.

Can you tell us? Give us a typical day, you know, kind of in the middle of this journey. You know, before you've kind of realized that, Hey I'm, doing something that's way out of my character, 

Shane Jacob: the day in the life of kind of in about the middle of it. Okay. So probably somewhere along the middle, I was drinking probably, I don't know, let's just say 18 beers in a 24 hour period.

So in the middle, I'd probably wake [00:13:00] up and I'd probably just, I would gain consciousness at let's say 10 to 10 30 AM. I would spring out of bed. in a fog, get my clothes on, go get in my horseshoe and truck, go to work. In the middle, I was probably waiting until four or five in the afternoon to start drinking.

And then I would, you know, drink as I continued to work because I started so late, then I'd have to work so late, or I thought I did. I was just constantly working all the time, trying to keep up with my life and the, That's what I did. You know, that's what I did. I focused on my work. I could go to work because I couldn't really deal and be close and be vulnerable and have good connections with people.

So I went to work. And so that's what I did. And. And so I would go to work and then I'd be drinking from about four o'clock. And then in the middle, I'd say, tell, let's say about [00:14:00] 1 a. m. By now do the math on that on about 18 or 20 beers. However many that is per hour, you know, not that many two or three or four an hour, you know over, but it's over a long period of hours.

I ate one time right before I went to bed and then I'd conk out at, you know, one or 1 30 AM. There I go. I'm checked out. Yeah. Totally unconscious, boom, 10, 30, 11, again, up. And that's a repeat day in and day out. And that's kind of the place I was at in the middle. 

Brad Minus: So you were working as a farrier. 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, I'm a, you know, one of the things that I've done for for my life.

I've been blessed to be able to work with horses, which is what I love to do. And one of the things that I do is a farrier. Yes. 

Brad Minus: Okay. Yeah. Well, cause the way you were talking about was shoes and stuff. So that was just part of your job or was that pretty much your job? 

Shane Jacob: That's one of the things I've had I've had a a, feed a horse feed business here in Las Vegas, Nevada for [00:15:00] for a long time.

So I was also doing that on, the side. 

Brad Minus: Okay. Well, the reason why I was asking was that it's just because basically, if. Remember I'm not too fluid with this, with we'll call it a culture, of horses and, ranches and stuff like that. I've been on them. I've ridden horses and I love it.

And I love it. And I'm, and which is 1 of the reasons I really wanted to talk to you. But so as a failure, you're basically you're shooing horses, take the shoes off, get them back, you know, scrape through, put them back on again. So it's just you and the horses. 

Shane Jacob: You know, I'm dealing with clients, but a lot of times being the horses.

Yeah. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. So you're on your own there to deal with your own demons a lot. Is that what, 

Shane Jacob: I'm hearing? That is true. Yeah. That is a lot because, you know, I'm dealing with clients. I'm talking to clients. Sometimes clients are present on site. A lot of time and most of the time I preferred it if they weren't, but there is a lot of time that I'm going throughout the day.

Yes. I'm on my phone taking care of things [00:16:00] that in our feed business and yes, I'm talking to clients and so there's interactions, but I'm, to myself a lot. 

Brad Minus: Okay. So, all right. So that just gives us a a good connection there with what you're doing the, drinking and then, you know, getting up for work late and that whole bit, that's a that seems to be a typical story.

But. The fact that it lasted so long with you is, quite it's quite amazing. So so let's go forward. So we've got an idea of what your life was like. We got an idea of, the amount of alcohol you were consuming. So. What was that? What was the final, piece that just said, nope, I'm done.

I gotta get help and let's go. It was there a, an incident. Was there a story, was something, did something happen that just made you turn that corner? 

Shane Jacob: You know there was, so many things. There wasn't a smoking gun yet. It [00:17:00] would. In addiction, a lot of time we talk about people hitting their bottom, you know, come crashing down.

I feel like I was hitting my bottom kind of every day for a long time and and I was just kind of powering through the bottom, you know I, I was, I, finally recognized that I was on the verge of a divorce after a 17 year old set, excuse me, 17 year marriage. And so that was a big, that was a big one because it kind of came to me as a surprise for some reason.

I mean, when I guess it seems kind of silly saying that right now, but I didn't realize the condition of my marriage was so bad. You know, this whole time I've, limited my ability to earn. I've limited my, you're just like slowed down. You can't like progress in life anywhere, right? I mean, I'm getting by and going through the motions and [00:18:00] doing the stuff.

I finally recognized I came close to another brush with the law. You know, is one thing that happened in addition to recognizing that my marriage and finally, I realized that and I continued to visualize myself just dying, you know, what I consider to be young, I was going to be maybe 50 years old, or I wouldn't, I didn't, I honestly didn't think I'd live past 55, because I thought that this, level of alcohol consumption on a consistent basis was probably gonna, I was going to kill myself by alcohol before I reached the age of 55.

The way that my life was going right there. And I when I started to really think that through in combination with this close brush with the law, which I did not want to have any more of those and the prospects of this conversation. you know, divorce after being married for 17 years. I started to think about it.

You know, I started to think [00:19:00] about what was going to happen if I didn't do something. I started to think about the change in Brad. I thought about making this change for eight or nine months. And I don't mean just like in a casual way. I thought about it. You know, for some amount of time every day for months and I plotted and I planned and I thought things through and, you know and I didn't know if I could do it.

I did not know if I could do it because all I hear. In the world at this time, and everywhere I turn is I hear relapse. Come back. Oh, you were sober for X amount of years and now you're a sloshed up drunk again. And and this, is what I, the noise I was hearing inside of my head is consistently, you know, go to an AA meeting and, you know, sometimes it can be motivating and a lot of times not so much.

And so, so I, I really thought and planned and I had as much resolved, you know what I had [00:20:00] resolved in my mind, I had resolved that I was going to give it what I could and what I was going to give it everything I could muster. That's the only thing I knew. And, you know, when it turns out, it was enough.

I didn't know. But in retrospect, that's the whole thing. You don't have to know, you know, you just have to have faith in yourself that you're going to give it all you got. And that really was the key. That really was the key. Because Finally, I thought about this. I even planned the date and I'll tell you, it was the second Saturday in January and in, and my brother and I had been to a clinic, a horseshoe and clinic in California, and it was the same as every other day had been for 20 years.

I started drinking in the morning and I drank all night all the way back. We got home at 1130. I went to bed late. I woke up late, but I had it planned. I got into this. I have, I already had made arrangements and I drove myself to a detox because, like I said, I [00:21:00] was afraid that coming off alcohol was going to, you know, that I could die from from the withdrawals that I've had a seizure and it would, I had the potential that I could die and I didn't want to die.

So I drove myself down there and check myself in. And that was a humbling experience because I'm kind of think, you know, I'm the boss around here. I'm running the company and doing my own thing. And. That was a humbling experience for them to, you know, take all my personal stuff and take my phone and, that, but I let it be okay.

And I went and I stayed there for three days and two nights and they monitored everything and, saw that I, you know, whatever they do this process that I was okay. Okay. Physically. Right. And so I drove out of there on the third day. And the only thing, the first thing I did is I went to AA meeting. Now I'm not a, huge AA.

I believe in a, and I'm, I support it. I'll call it synonymous. I just, I haven't been a huge participant in myself. [00:22:00] I have some participant, but not in a major way. And, but I did go to a meeting that day. I drove straight to the meeting and somebody put their arm around me and said, you look like hell come with me.

And, you know, kind of took me under their wing. And the only thing that I knew that day that I knew I wasn't going to drink that day, and I knew that I was going to give it everything that I had and I did. And so at the end of the day, I didn't drink. And I, carried that thought with me until I didn't need to think that anymore.

Wow. And I never went back. That is, 

Brad Minus: I can paint parallels to that in a much smaller way. But that, is amazing. That's where we start. So I'm sure you've probably read about it, but you know, that I'm an endurance coach and I help people get through some of these big challenges. A lot of times they use those challenges.

to step up their life or to take care of of adversity or, you know, it's [00:23:00] something that's much bigger than themselves. And this is kind of something that I'm hearing from you. But what you said before was, Hey, I'm going to give it everything I've got. And if it's enough, fine. And if it's not, fine. Then I'll pick myself up and I'll give it myself the best shot I can.

And that's the whole thing that I give to these some of my clients and some of the groups that I, train, I'm like, Hey, you're going to get onto that start line, you're going to give it every single thing you've got. And you're going to leave it all on the course. And when you're done, you're going to be a better person.

You're going to be a stronger athlete. And you're going to see things inside yourself that you've never seen before. You know, nine times out of 10, I'm right. And and it's amazing what, comes out of it. And it sounds like you took that as much higher scale. But it so it works, you know this is a, an ideology, a [00:24:00] methodology that can work for a lot of people.

It's just that one thing that you want to do. You wanted to give this up. You wanted to get off alcohol. You said, I'm going to give it everything I've got. I my, my clients say, you know, I'm going to go after this certain goal. I'm going to train and then I'm going to get it. Everything I've got people that want to get ahead in business.

They say, I want to get to this place in my career and I'm going to get it. Everything I've got. And sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, but somewhere down the line, it works. 

Shane Jacob: I 

Brad Minus: lost your video still right here 

Shane Jacob: with you. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. So but so that's, so I, give you that. So what was, what were the next few months like?

Shane Jacob: Yeah let me, just say this. Let me comment on that, Brad, because that's whatever your scale is. It just doesn't matter because what you're talking about is a huge and important concept. Just like you described the thing of it is, it's like, well if that's what it takes, then why aren't we doing it more?

Why aren't we doing [00:25:00] it sooner? And why didn't I do it sooner? And I mean, I think a lot of times what I hear from people and I see in myself, when I look back is, you know we might, we just don't think that we can do it, or maybe we just, you know, we think that we're going to fail. We think it's going to be too hard.

We can see ourselves not getting it done or it looks too hard or it looks too painful, or if it looks, you know, it's just too much. The big thing with me was what one of the things that kept me is that I didn't want to fail and I didn't know I could do it for sure. And I wanted to know that I could get it done for sure.

And you can't know that. I mean, there's no way to know it. This idea of faith is a big, important concept. But the thing of it is all you have to do is to truly to believe in yourself that you'll give what you have. that moment. And if you do that is enough. 

Brad Minus: Yeah, you know, totally agree. But and I think what you're explaining is that is, you know, that you're not gonna [00:26:00] succeed or you don't know if you could do it.

It's fear. And we all have it. We all have it. It's the brave ones, right? What is the definition of bravery? Bravery is, being courageous. Despite being afraid, it's, courageousness despite fear. And I think that's the component that we miss a lot of times. We keep selling, telling this to our people, to our friends and our families and everything.

Oh, you know, just get over it. Oh face your fear or what did they say? Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid. You can't do that. Fearfulness is an involuntary response. There's nothing you can do about it. You can be brave. You can psych yourself out to being brave. And that's where I think a lot of people kind of get that misconception, is it's not whether you can do it or not, it's the fact that you are fearful [00:27:00] that you're not going to be able to.

And sometimes we have to think, you know what, thinking about where you got to go in your life and what happens. So you know what, if you fail the first time, so what? Brush yourself off and try again. And I think that's, some things that we're missing in today's in today's environment.

And I don't know where it went because when you and I grew up, yeah. in that area. Now I know you're a little bit older than me, not much, but a little bit older than me. We didn't, you know, it was, you know, if you got hurt, you know, if you got hurt, rub some dirt on it and move on, you know what I mean?

Now it's like, oh, where did you get hurt? Oh, let me put a bandage on it. Oh, you know, oh, you could have a paper cut. Oh, sit over here and relax and take a load off. That's too much for you. I mean, it's just, it's ridiculous. But I think you remembered it. And [00:28:00] I think that's probably what, you know, finally, you're just like, I'm just gonna get everything I got and I'm gonna move forward.

So that's what it is. Like, 

Shane Jacob: I just want to say this, that, you know, when we think about courage, it sounds good. And we all want to be courageous when, you know, when we think about it, it has like a positive. Positive tone to it, but you know, it doesn't feel very good. It's pretty hard, you know and it keeps us, you know we want to be courageous and it sounds good, but it's feeling that fear and moving through it is that's what holds us back a lot.

It's what hell has held, me back for long periods of time. And when I hear people you know it's, the chatter that's going on in here. And one thing is just not being willing to go through that discomfort. 

Brad Minus: Yeah, it's the suffering that people don't want to go through. I mean, I'll be quite honest with you.

So, I'm a five. I've done five Ironman triathlons and I'm just about to do my, I'm doing my [00:29:00] sixth next week. And it's the first time I'm going to do one in six years. And Two of those, I had a goal in mind that I wanted to get to, and when the suffering started, instead of continuing on to that goal, I just resound myself.

You know what? The suffering started. I'm not going to make it. Let me just see if I can finish. And I just resounded myself to, all right, let me just see if I can finish when I had done three before I knew what to expect. I knew what to go forward because of the fear that I'm going to have to do this suffering and I'm going to suffer a lot more because I'm going after a time goal.

I'm not going to make it. And I did. And I totally resounded myself to, well, that's not going to work. Let me just see if I can finish. And like I said, lots lower scale, it's still, you know, it affected me. And then finally, the last one that I did in Maryland, you know, a few years ago, I'm like, nope, not resounding myself to that.

And it was the by the conditions were the worst [00:30:00] conditions I ever got. And I took and I ended up taking 90 minutes off my time, which is huge. So, you know, but I knew that I was gonna be suffering. I knew that I was gonna be hurting, and I knew that was gonna be it. And I'm like, Okay, I'm just gonna face it.

And yeah, so it's a learned response. You know, it's something that you know, that you've got to do slowly. You dig in a little bit here, get a success, dig in a little bit more, another success, dig in a little bit more than that, a success. And you start realizing what your potential is. 

Shane Jacob: You guys are incredible, man.

90 minutes because of sounds like in part or mostly your mindset. I mean, just to be able to do a race like that is incredible. I ran my first half marathon last year and that was you know, I thought I was doing something. I mean, you guys are incredible. 

Brad Minus: Oh, congratulations. That's fantastic. No, There is nothing. I still frickin get hurt. I still feel it during half. So don't do not be a little that it's just a little [00:31:00] bit longer out there than you know what you did. But that's fantastic. I'm Yeah, that's awesome. Let's step back in just a little bit. So so you're finally make made this corner.

And you you decided, Hey, I'm not drinking anymore. What were you doing to kind of to quell the temptations? 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, it's a good question. I you know, because it was there, I mean, it was there and, they slowly dissipated over time. The first few months I think were the most difficult and I just.

You know, drinking as much as I did, it takes a lot of planning and it takes a lot of work and I was trying to hide it for most of the world. And so that takes a lot of planning and a lot of work. I mean, my alcoholism is a big, I mean it takes a lot of planning. And so, Now, what I'm doing is I'm changing my habits.

And if you think about this, remember, I said, this is over two [00:32:00] decades of drinking on a daily basis. And let me tell you something. I didn't miss any days. I mean, I'm a hundred percenter two days in a 22 year period. I did not drink alcohol in those two days. I was hospitalized. So, I mean, I didn't miss any days.

Now just think about this, the people that I know, the way that I live my life, the lifestyle, all of my habits, everything is. is made up around drinking people that drink alcohol and, you know, buying alcohol, handling it. And I mean, the whole process, what do you do with, you know 24 bottles of beer every 24 hour period.

And so, I mean, it's a lot. And so now It's, a slow process of change. It didn't just change. I mean, there's things I didn't even know. I didn't even know. I mean, I, you know, and I didn't know what I had been missing. I just, I slowly, I started just to move away from it. I started to slowly move away where I [00:33:00] could, you know, try not to be offensive to people that were in those circles.

And I just yeah. When I saw alcohol, I just went the other way. The thing of it is, you know, if you're watching on video, I can pick up one of these, which is a Coke bottle, or I can pick up a bottle of alcohol doing the picking up and drinking. It doesn't. It's not a big difference in which one it is.

The big difference is all happening here. So as long as that, as long as I'm, my thoughts are a little bit of head of my actions and I'm doing okay. And every day I'm just giving it what I thought in the pro over the next, over the next 14 or 16 months or something. I also lost 45 pounds and.

You know, over a period of years, this did not just happen and blink my eyes, but over the period of a few years, I kind of got myself together. And then I started to try to get caught up the time I missed. Now I'm not going to miss, [00:34:00] I can't get caught up. I can't go back and get those times. I can't go back and fix those and do things different in those relationships.

I can't have those opportunities back that I missed. I can't take some of the things I can't. Fix. They're just not fixable. O only God can fix 'em if the, you know what I'm saying? They're just, I can't make 'em well, and so once I do everything that I can do, there is no more fixing. So the only thing that I can do is work on me.

Right? Work on me. But. I have to tell you this, and that is, I want to go right back to the beginning of where we started this story, because the thing of it is this, when I talk to teens now, when I talk to adults, now what I hear is and I have come to believe that the thing that started me down this path that caused so much.[00:35:00] 

That caused so much pain and suffering for other people and myself were thoughts about myself. And when I hear from teens, and you know what they're thinking, Hey, do I fit in? Hey, am I okay? Hey am I as good as the rest of the world? Am I, worthy of this? You know what? And they're, we're trying to figure out, and you know what I hear from adults, Brad, you know what I hear?

I hear the same thing. Or at the core. And I, had somebody on my show, Cheryl green. You know what she said? She said that she believes that every negative human action, every negative thing that you could possibly do, or has been done at its core comes back to the way that person has a negative belief about themselves.

And you know, when I thought about that, I have not been able to figure out how that statement is not true. Now that's a big statement. I [00:36:00] mean, that's a huge statement. Everything negative action that you do has to do with how you feel about or believe about yourself. Really? No, let's just say that's true because I believe it's true.

I don't think that you can prove it's wrong. If you could, I'd like to know it, but I don't think that you can. Brooke Castillo, the owner of the life coach school, it's the biggest life coach school in the world has been a life coach for as long as life coaches have been around for over 20 years and lit coach literally.

Thousands and thousands. I don't know, tens or hundreds, lots of thousands of people. And you know what she says at the core of everyone I've talked to with all of their problems and issues is their personal worthiness. So, and you hear this, but I don't think that we really put enough weight on it. You know, in my case, the way that I handled it poorly and people suffered and so did I.

Okay. But the thing of it is, to some degree, just like you said earlier, this is my thing. [00:37:00] If I believe that a lot of us look at this kind of relationship with our self or let's just wrap it all up in one thing, self confidence, self esteem, self image, the way that you believe that beliefs that you have about yourself.

Okay, we'll call that self-confidence or your beliefs that you have about you. A lot of times we like to think that, you know, that we got that done when we were kids, you know, particularly men. We don't want to show any weakness, man. We got it. I am a confident dude, right? Because you know how they are over there.

You can see what they're doing. And that is how unconfident people act. You know, they're constantly trying to get attention to themselves and that's how they act, not me, right? But when it comes down to the core of the things that I'm not getting in my life, when I really peel that back, what I'm going to find is that something down deep inside of my heart and soul is that I'm really not sure if I'm okay.[00:38:00] 

I'm really not really sure if I truly believe about me. And it's not something I have come to know that it's not something that you get. It's not something that you acquire an attribute that you have in your back pocket. It's a lifelong process because here's what happens. You get to feeling pretty good about yourself and you're going along and things are pretty good and then something will happen.

And what do you want? I mean by that something will happen to us or we will do something that will cause us to go, Hey, whoa, what does that mean about me? Right. And a lot of this time isn't even conscious thought. Right. And so then we start feeling bad. And I'm like, and it kind of goes like this. And then we kind of need to intentionally take care of it to get feeling back to get us to be okay.

So I, my thing in life is in my message to the world. And I shout it loud and clear is that your relationship with you. is paramount. Your relationship with you isn't something that you get. It's something that is, [00:39:00] is very important. It's probably one of the most important things that you can do. And I recommend a commit to a lifelong pursuit.

of loving you. Because the thing of it is, you're priceless. You are worthless. You are the same as me, the same, no matter what I've done or no matter what you've done. And here's the deal. You've done some stuff. I mean, I know the stuff that I've done. We don't want to talk about that right here, right now.

All of it, right? But all of us have done some things that we have some shame about and this and that and the other until we learn how to separate what we've done with who we are and have that not be the same thing and let us be okay and be able to forgive ourselves and move through shame and truly believe.

That we are imperfect human beings and be totally okay with it. That is how we can truly make progress in the world. And I believe this to the [00:40:00] extent that I don't just think it's a good idea and your life's going to go better and your relationships are going to get better. You're going to have more success and everything, because all that's true.

I it's all true, but that's not why I believe it's more than that. I believe it's our responsibility and our duty to commit to this work. Of loving ourselves, because here's why. Because unless you do, you can only love and give to the people that you care deeply about, to the degree that you love and care about yourself.

And the same thing goes to be able to make your full contribution and reach your potential in this world. You can only do it to the degree that you believe and love in in the, human being in the, unique individual priceless person you are. 

Brad Minus: Wow. That's powerful Shane. And I agree a hundred percent because if you don't have self worthiness, how are you able to give that to somebody else?

[00:41:00] You can't. It's, transactional, right? Your self worthiness is the cash and you can't give cash or anything valuable of yourself. If you don't have it yourself to start with. I can't give cash. My, my spouse, my friends, my brothers and sisters. I can't give them that if I don't have it to give. So the only thing you can give them is surface.

You can only give them the surface of yourself. So that's, that is completely profound. And 

Shane Jacob: let me just say this one thing about that. I used to believe I used to think I used to not believe that I used to hear, well, you can only love as much as you can love yourself. And I'd be like, yeah, I don't want you talking about, what do you mean?

I can love somebody else if I choose to. Love is a verb. I can do what I want. It has nothing to do with me. And I really thought that. I didn't understand it. But when I fully understood it, and I can, I won't go into a long story about it, but when you fully [00:42:00] understand. What it means to have those, to have positive beliefs about yourself.

Okay. And to love yourself unconditionally. And you know what I can't even 20 years ago, 10 years ago, I can't even believe that I would, these words would even be coming out of my mouth, you know, I could not look at myself in the mirror and say, I like myself, but you know what, I'm okay with me. And you know what?

It doesn't matter if you are or not because I am and I'm okay with you and it doesn't matter what you've done. I'm okay with you. So, but back to what I interrupted you for. It truly is. You must know that you can only give to the edge of what you have inside of you to give. 

Brad Minus: Yeah. And otherwise you just otherwise, and you can you can say it, you can believe it to your core, but the basics is, that if you don't have it, if you don't have that, valuableness about [00:43:00] yourself, you can't give it to anybody else.

And but you can sure act like it. And that's what it is. The difference between truly believing, truly loving someone and not is if you don't do it yourself, you're just acting. And you've got to, you, you've got to be honest with yourself enough to do that. So yeah, we can go on about this. We can go on about this forever, but I do would like.

At least a precursor or something a nugget of when you finally realized it, what was the where were you? What were you doing? What was the aspect where you finally realized that? Hey, you know what? I have worthiness about myself after going through 20 years. Or plus of you knowing that you didn't feel right about yourself, that you didn't have that self worthiness.

What was that turning point? 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, you know, it's another, it's the kind of [00:44:00] like the you know, there, there wasn't a smoking gun in the thing, Brad. It was you know, I heard it. Because I, I fed myself influences, you know, from the books I read and the people I listened to in the podcast I listened to and I listened to those people and I took pieces and I took pieces and it was a process over a period of time.

And the same thing can be the same thing can be true. I mean, if you choose. To fully understand this, idea about changing the beliefs that you have about you, there's steps that you can do. I mean, there are takeaways. I'll give you a couple right now. Number one is what we call make a promise. Keep it.

What that means is, be careful about the commitments that you make to yourself. Because when you tell yourself that you're going to do something, it's important that you follow through with it. Because you, you need to be able to trust yourself. And so when you make commitments, first of all, make commitments [00:45:00] and really mean it don't fleetingly make commitments that you may or may not keep when you make a promise to yourself, keep it, make a promise, keep it, make a promise, keep it.

The more that you keep the promises to yourself, the more that you can trust yourself. The more that you're producing evidence for yourself or you're the kind of person that you can trust. That's number one. And this is a, the second one is a simple that we have six steps. I won't give you all of them.

I'll give you a couple. I don't know if you have time, but I'll give you one more quick and easy one. And we know this, but really to, take it in and pay attention to it and be intentional about your thoughts and your language that you use about you. You know what I'm saying? Oh, I dropped that. I'm such an idiot.

I'm such a klutz. Oh, I didn't do as good I could. I never follow through, you know, on and on it goes. And so even being humor using humor, this self deprecating humor, you can take it too far. Words mean things, those thoughts and words. And here's the measure. Okay, if you say or think something that you wonder if you should be saying or thinking about yourself, [00:46:00] if it is not something that you would say to something that someone that you deeply care about, you It's not something that you want to say or be thinking about you.

So if it's, you're thinking about it, think something else because you can change that. And if you're saying it, say something else, say something that you would be happy that you'd be proud to say to somebody that you deeply cared about. Those right there, they actually make a difference over a period of time.

You'll change, you'll move the needle to the person that you believe that you are. And I'm telling you, wherever you are in the needle right now, It doesn't matter and it's okay because wherever you are, wherever you think you are, whatever value you believe that you have right now, you're a hundred percent.

Brad Minus: If you say you can't, you won't. That's, you know, that's basically what you're saying right there. The first takeaway that you gave as far as making commitments to yourself, making promises and make sure you keep them, [00:47:00] that's a muscle. And I want to put that out there right now. That is a muscle.

If that's not something that you're used to doing if you make commitments to yourself and you don't find yourself keeping them, then You need to build the muscle. So in other words, there's all these programs out there and they say, Oh, you need to practice gratitude every day. Make, you know, produce gratitude.

And then people will be like, all right, I'm gonna take the next 30 days and I'm going to practice gratitude. But if you've never kept a commitment to yourself, if you've never fulfilled a promise to yourself, that's too much. And you might think, Oh, it's only 30 days. No, it's too much. You make the commitment that you're going to do it tomorrow.

And then you do it and you're like, okay, I made it. All right. Then you say, I'm going to do it the next day. I'm gonna do it the next day. And when you get to a week, then you say, you know what? I've been able to do it for a week. So I'm going to do it the next seven days. Then you've done it for two weeks.

Then you can say, I'm going to do it the next two weeks. And then you commit that it's not [00:48:00] going to happen. If I, sit there and I go right away and I go, I'm going to make it 30 days or I'm going to do this. I'm going to challenge myself to get to do this when I've never ever done it before in my life.

In this case, what I'm saying is in this case, people that, you know, are kind of self deprecating and that they don't speak to themselves in the right way, you've got to start somewhere. You've got to you've got to start slow and make those small commitments, get the win, and then move on to something a little bit bigger.

Otherwise you're setting yourself up for failure. You've never done it before. I can give you another instance of this is I used to and I still do it, but it's it's more one on one now, but I used to work at a hospital here, Tampa General Hospital, and I used to do a running program and it's for people that have never run before in their life.

And basically what it was zero to 5k. You start and it was an, it was a 12 week program. [00:49:00] Let me give you a, for instance, you know what the first workout was, it was a five minute walk, three minute run, meaning, and I always told him, I says, if you if, you can't talk when you run, you're running too fast, it was another five minute brisk walk, two minute run, and another five minute brisk walk.

That's it. Five minutes of a run at a conversational pace. Very, slow. And then what we would do is every workout after we'd add one minute, just one minute to each one. So you keep that promise. So they learned that, Hey, I can do five minutes. I can do seven minutes. I can do 10 minutes. You know what I mean?

That just slowly grew. Same thing here. You know, and that's, what I believe. And I, just think that you can't, you know, you can't wake up tomorrow morning going, okay, well, I'm gonna make this promise to myself that I'm gonna, I'm gonna, practice gratitude for the next 30 days. And you've never done it before.

What do you think? 

Shane Jacob: I think that a lot of [00:50:00] times that another word for this is discipline like self discipline and when. When I say self discipline, what I think is I think that just sounds like a lot of work. It sounds painful. It sounds hard. I don't know, man. But the thing of it is, look at the other side, okay?

And a lot of times this will help. And that is, is to, see what happens. If you look back on things that you've told yourself that you're going to do that you didn't do, it feels terrible. It feels terrible. And then you start wondering it's then you start taking meaning from that. Then it starts.

You can start believing that's the kind of person you are and you never do what you say and you never have time and it just goes on and it goes on. If you and I think what you said kind of goes to We were kind of saying the same thing in that when I said, pay attention when you make a commitment, because take, really make it a commitment.

[00:51:00] Am I fully, are you all in on this? You know, don't just do it lighthearted. Don't just do it without a lot. Make a commitment. I am going all in on whatever it is. And so if it's a smaller goal, you'll have probably a, higher success of getting it done. But, so I agree with you a hundred percent, but go all in.

And make it intentional and then do it. And every time that you do that, and here's, you're going to not do it all the time. So you have to just know that upfront and it has to be okay. And you have to accept that about yourself, that you're going to do some, that you're going to make some commitments that you're not going to get done.

Just know that, and that's just going to be okay. Okay. But you don't want that to be your norm. You want to really think things through and plan and be intentional and then make that commitment and then go all in and do it. Make that promise. Keep it, make the promise. Keep it just like you suggested, Brad.

Brad Minus: Love it. I love it. So tell me about you turning the corner and then [00:52:00] starting to be a life coach. And then what brought you into starting to bring teens and parents together? 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, well, you know, it's kind of my story, you know, I, nobody has to go as long as I did, you know, and and if, one person, if I can help somebody to know that they're okay.

And if those thoughts. Don't lead you down a path because a lot of times we're, turning, we're trying to get away from what doesn't feel good. We're trying to solve the difficult cause we don't know how to go through it. And we don't know how to make meaning about who we are. And so all the things that are my story or something that I can speak to and I can understand and peek, I can relate to kids and people.

Because you know, I've made plenty of mistakes and I've practiced my mistakes until they're perfect. And so that's why it all came about. And we, combine you know, horses in this and [00:53:00] we it's kind of the magic of horses. We use four principles to guide our mind management and their principles that we're talking about right here.

You know, faith in God, faith in ourselves is what we're talking about right here. And we show how. Horses demonstrate these principles, and so we incorporate horses in there, which is kind of the magic to it. It is kind of fun to see how horses demonstrate the same principles that we're talking about.

It's kind of a it's kind of a neat combination. People really resonate with. 

Brad Minus: Wow. Yeah that's, I can see that. I can see that. I've spent a little bit of time around horses and I've loved every second of it, but I can definitely see the parallel these majestic creatures, you know, and when you're around them, everything's a little bit different.

They kind of rub off on you. 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, horses are [00:54:00] pretty incredible. They're a gift. They're pretty magnificent creatures. They're one of God's gifts. 

Brad Minus: Yeah, I'm going to totally, I'm going to totally embarrass myself right here. Well, which is negative self talk, but I'll do it anyway. I just got caught up in this old series that I think was, might have been on the Hallmark Channel at one time, but I got it on Netflix.

It's called Wildfire. And the only reason I got caught on it is because the, whole series is based around a horse called Wildfire and bought a ranch and I bought a couple of feuding ranches that are, training thoroughbreds. The only reason I watch it is to watch the horses. I swear to God, and that's just recent.

So it's interesting to how sometimes there are, there is a little bit of a a paranormal thing that here I am, you know I'm, just got caught up into this thing to watch the horses and I get to meet you. So I it's, kind of funny, but yeah, so [00:55:00] Shane, really, powerful stuff.

You guys, you have to check out Shane's website the, horsemanship journey and his podcast that he, that's pretty recent, right? What do you got? You've got 20 episodes, 15 episodes, 

Shane Jacob: 25, about 25, 30, less than 30. 

Brad Minus: So I love it. You've actually interviewed a couple of people that I've had on as well. So . Check out. The horsemanship journey wherever you get your podcasts and he's got some, great articles up there.

 And he's got a coaching program with a, which I don't know, would you call it a retreat? 

Shane Jacob: No, we have a online coaching program. We do have a couple of live events where we actually bring the horses and do that a couple of times a year, but our stable living program is an online coaching program for teens and parents.

Brad Minus: Okay, great. Yeah. So, and he's got he's got four, four core principles, faith in God, faith [00:56:00] and self responsibility and communication. That is it's pretty, amazing. So you definitely needed to check it out and give it a shot. If it's something that resonates with you, you know, if you're looking for that next step in your life, you're looking to find your potential.

Shane's got your back. And check out his coaching program and you just might be able to, you know, find where that potential can lead you. So Shane and you're you're on some of the socials, are you? 

Shane Jacob: Yeah, we're pretty much everywhere. The Horsemanship Journeys on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, Twitter, LinkedIn, X.

What am I missing? 

Brad Minus: Yeah. It looks like you're you bait. Your biggest ones are on Facebook X and Instagram. Is that correct? Yeah. So I will put all of that in the show notes. I will put the horsemanship journey dot com in the short notes.

But it definitely is. It is the horsemanship journey. Horsemanshipjourney. com. You need to visit this website [00:57:00] and check out what the offering and the coaching program, because it looks amazing. He's got a couple of YouTube videos up there that are that are, definitely something to work out on.

So, but other than that Shane, man. Some really, powerful stuff. I so appreciate you telling us about the journey. I know you revisiting that past, could sometimes, you know, it could be a little bit rough to know that you're willing to share that journey with the rest of us. It means the world.

Shane Jacob: Brad, thanks much for the opportunity. I appreciate being able to be on show and wish you all the best. 

Brad Minus: Thank you so much. And for the rest of you, please go ahead. And seeing this on YouTube, please go ahead and subscribe, you know, or dislike, if that's what you want to do, if you're on a Apple podcast or Spotify, please leave us a review.

Whether good or bad, I'll take the feedback either way. Cause all I want to do is make this better. My idea is just to give people one nugget per episode you can take with you and, [00:58:00] utilize to make yourself into the person you want to be and to find your next step.

So until then, we'll see you in the next one.