Transcript
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and welcome back to another episode of life-changing challengers, and I am so grateful and honored today to have daniel packard on the podcast today.
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Hi, daniel, how you doing I am ready, I'm ready to change some mother effing lives brad.
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Anything about that I'm bringing it.
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so daniel is a uc berkeley engineer.
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He calls himself an inner engineer.
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He also is this is a very interesting title and this is where this episode is going to go.
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He's an anxiety solution pioneer.
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He has actually come up with a system to help people rid themselves of anxiety, of fear I mean gone Without drugs, the whole bit.
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He's got this reset.
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But we're going to get into that a little bit later because, of course, as we always start out here at Life Changing Challengers, daniel, can you tell us a little bit how you grew up, the complement of your family, where you grew up and what your environment was like growing up?
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I absolutely will, because it's important One, because what you just shared with your audience they're not going to believe.
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And so, telling where I grew up and I don't know what they call it the origin story of where this all came from.
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But I also just want to be real clear with your audience.
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We are going to be covering anxiety, but really it's anxiety and fear.
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And really, because some people will say, well, I'm not anxious.
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If you have fear or any pattern in your life where fear is a part of it and some of the behaviors that you're working on, you don't know this or you may know this, but it's actually a symptom of fear.
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So, if you don't have anxiety, but let's.
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If you're a perfectionist, if you're an overthinker, if you're a procrastinator, if you're a people pleaser, if you care what people think of you, insecure, doubt, any of those bad boys and or anxiety I'm going to explain a way for you to understand how, as Brad said, to be free of this no more managing, that's amateur hour how you can be free of these things permanently.
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So I just want to be clear what this is all about, because it's an innovative way of doing things and your audience isn't used to that.
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They're used to managing these things.
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So with that said my big, now I'll explain what was it?
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my family, and where I'm from?
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Yeah, where.
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When your compliment your family and what your childhood was like when you grew up?
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Well, I grew up in Berkeley, california, and I didn't know how nice it was because, just it was where I grew up.
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But I grew up in the Berkeley Hills.
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I had a view of the Golden Gate Bridge from my window and I remember bringing a girlfriend home to visit my parents and she was driving up the hill to my house and she went you grew up here.
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This is incredible.
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I thought no, it is, it's really pretty.
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It's really nice.
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We weren't.
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My dad was a professor, he was a physicist, so we were middle, upper, middle class, but we were surrounded by rich people because my parents bought their house early and then it skyrocketed.
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So we were surrounded and also my parents were very frugal, so everyone around us had BMWs and Audis and we had a 1969 Valiant because they don't break down, and it just ran forever and it was good.
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I liked it.
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My parents were also smart.
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Where they bought their house, we lived in the hills, so we had a view, but we weren't so high up and they told me they said if we were too high up then we'd have to drive you everywhere, and we didn't want to drive you everywhere.
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So if we lived halfway up the hills then you could get places with your bike, and they were right.
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I grew up right with my BMX and then a mountain bike just driving around and it was a beautiful place to live and my dad loved sailing so I got to sail on San Francisco Bay whenever I wanted.
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So logistically it was a good childhood, nice place.
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My parents were very good at providing logistically warm meal, roof over the house camp in the summer like logistically gold stars.
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Five star review on Yelp for my parents.
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But my dad being a scientist, they're very strong in the mind but not so much in the heart.
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So I grew up in a not mean or scary household but a confusing household because I was a sensitive kid in a house where feelings didn't exist and I'm sure I'm not alone.
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But yeah, it'll confuse a little child, especially a little Daniel.
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That's interesting.
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Yeah, I can imagine that, so it wasn't really touchy feely.
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Not even.
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I mean yeah again.
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No, I mean they.
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No, I mean they were kind, they were polite, but I never got the I love you, I'm proud of you ever.
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I mean maybe one would have trickled in, but I don't recall ever getting and I'm proud of you and I love you.
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And to the point where it started, I thought I was one of these kids that excelled at a lot of things and so everyone else would say, like great job, daniel, I get these awards and I would go home and just nothing, just crickets.
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And after a while I'm thinking, like most kids, our parents do the best they can, but some form of love and safety goes missing.
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And I started to think, like does my dad even love me?
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Like he's never said it.
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So I decided I came up with a plan which was to do something that I knew he'd be proud of, and then he'd say I'm proud of you and like I'd know he'd love me and that would be that.
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So my parents were very into me getting into college and so college applications were a big deal and I said, okay, this was my plan.
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I said battle, look great on a college application.
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I'll tell my dad.
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He'll say good job, I'll know he loves me.
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No reason for a therapist ever again.
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So I ran for class president.
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I won and I'm walking home all proud that I'd won and then I'm going to tell my dad I'm class president, he's going to say good job and, like, I'm going to know he loves me, and I walk in and he's standing there and I walk in all excited and I just look at him with all this excitement, enthusiasm, and I just say, hey, guess, who's class president?
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And he said, well, don't let it interfere with your homework.
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And I was like, come on, dude, I was like a softball pitch.
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He just had to say good job, like that.
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And I felt the pain of that moment.
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I mean it was.
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It scared me because I was like this is not according to script and this was not complicated, and it really, frankly, terrified me and hurt, as you can imagine.
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And in a last ditch of youthful, painful vulnerability, I just started crying.
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I really felt the pain and I was crying and I just looked at him and just looked at him and I said why can't you ever just say you're proud of me?
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And he says it's not my job to tell you when I'm proud of you.
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It's my job to tell you when you mess up.
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And I went like I didn't get what was going on.
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It was so confusing and hurtful.
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I short circuited but intuitively I was like A I'm pretty sure that's not great parenting and B you could do both.
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So, anyway, all I knew was a very scary, painful situation.
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Like many of us now, as I get older, I look back my dad's limited Like he can't, he's too wounded and he couldn't in that moment.
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But at that age I didn't know he couldn't.
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So what did I do?
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I did what all kids do.
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I'm like okay.
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So why is this happening?
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I didn't know.
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I didn't know to hold him accountable.
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So what do I do?
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I blame myself and I make up the belief that I'm not good enough, and that is what led to a lot of the problems in my life.
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But it's also the pain that led to me understanding how to allow other people to be free of this.
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So I will not give my dad gold stars on emotional high fives and celebration, but I am grateful to him because, as we all know, it is that pain that brings us to awareness, and that's what I'm helping people do now is heal from some of those wounds that get formed in childhood.
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We all know that.
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You don't need me to tell you like hey, did you know that what you're struggling with happened a long time ago?
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However, what we've developed is a system so that you can heal that, instead of like trying different things for years to just manage these symptoms.
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It's a system such that it's just you're free of it in a few weeks.
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That's the value of what we did.
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And before we start delving into that, because I have to step, we need to step back a little bit further, because we need to let Daniel's inner child brag a little bit, because you passed over the.
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Oh, I used to get awards and I did this and I got all these awards and we missed all that.
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I need to go back and hear some of what we're talking about.
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What did you do in high school?
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Was it sports?
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Was it mathletes?
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Was it chess?
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I mean, what awards were you getting?
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You talked about it.
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You just glanced over it.
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I'm like, come on, don't keep us in suspense like that well, thank you.
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thank you for uh.
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Well, let's see what were some awards, all right, well, one was I was in boy scouts and there were in our troop.
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There were these special awards just for our thing, and usually you would go for one of the awards.
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There was two awards and if you wanted to win one you really had to focus on one because, just for reasons I won't bore your audience, you really you would go for either one award or the other award and I was like I'm going for both.
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I'm going to be the Michael Phelps of this mofo, and nobody had ever done it before, because it was really tough to do.
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And I not only won one award that had to do with my camping abilities, but then there was leadership abilities, and I won both awards, which won two awards.
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Two had never been done in the history of our troop, too had never been done in the history of our troop.
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That was cool Class president in multiple years in a school of 3000.
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And what other awards did I get?
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This wasn't an award, but cool.
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Oh well, so I later found out I have a talent for looking at a system and finding the efficient way in the hack.
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It's both brilliant but also based on laziness, and so in my high school we didn't compete against other high schools, we competed between the other grades.
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So there were once a year during homecoming that I was a junior and we were running a competition with the seniors.
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But the seniors would always win because they had more resources and they were older, but they were going up with the seniors.
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But the seniors would always win because they had more resources and they were older, but you know they were going up against the animal.
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So again there were these five competitions and you never won all five because it was impossible.
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But I figured out how to win, I think four out of five, and some of the reasons I'm proud of.
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One was there was a canned food drive to see who could raise the most food for charity and we were behind by, I think, like 150 pounds.
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So I sent one of my people on my team to a bulk food and basically bought 100 pounds of dried beans to put us over the top and we won.
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Yeah, not my best work, but we won.
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Another one was so there would be a cheer and it was to see who could have the loudest cheer.
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Like the best cheer.
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You got like thousands of kids at be a cheer and it was to see who could have the loudest cheer, like the best cheer.
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You got like thousands of kids at an auditorium.
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It was to see who could get the loudest and the best cheer.
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So I, from watching every year, I noticed that there were good cheers.
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But when you've got 3 000 people in an auditorium, if it's because of the echo, if the cheer is really good, but but like too long, it just sounds like like on a t-shirt it looks great, but you got a thousand kids doing it in an echo chamber.
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It doesn't sound so good.
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So I thought, forget the cheer sounding good, let's just make it simple.
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So we were the class of 91.
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So 500, all we had to say was 90 and then one.
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So you got a thousand kids going, 90 and then one, 90, one, and the idea was to go from quiet to loud.
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So it just was 90, one, 90, one, 90, one, one.
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But it built this like cacophony of just like sound and noise and intensity and we won and I was always proud of that.
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So was there?
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Just, was there specific extracurriculars that you were involved in?
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Or was it like obviously it was a student council because you became class president, so obviously you were in student council.
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Was there anything else that you were that was an extracurricular that you were involved with?
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They were.
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I'm not so proud of them, but they were all based like maximizing lifestyle with the least amount of work, and that's one of them was I found out.
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So I hated Spanish, going to Spanish because it was the one thing that just being smart couldn't get you out of.
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You had to memorize all these words and my Spanish teacher was just psychotic.
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So I hated Spanish but I learned.
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If you're on the cross country team there, the meets you could skip last period because you had to make it to the other school in time.
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So I found out that I was born, was pretty good cardio and so essentially, if I didn't practice, if I didn't go to training at all, I was just good enough to be the eighth man on varsity and I got to skip Spanish class.
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So it wasn't an award, it was just like figuring out how to like avoid Spanish with the gifts that I was given.
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So probably, had I applied myself, I'd probably have a running award, but my award was the skipping eighth grade Spanish with the least amount of work award which I gave to myself.
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Okay, and now you're good.
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Now you're getting in deep, because you know that I'm an endurance coach and I actually coach cross country for Tampa Catholic High School here in Tampa, florida.
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So, yeah, you're starting to hit.
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I'm sorry I did desecrate your wonderful art it wasn't for me.
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I was not motivated by my love of running.
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I hated every minute of it.
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It was purely spanish motivated, but I I saw why people love cross country.
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I appreciate the people that did dedicate themselves to it and I'm sorry that I just hijacked your sport for nefarious reasons no, it's, I mean it's.
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I definitely have people on my team that unfortunately, they're there for other reasons.
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They do the work just because I'm just a lovable guy and so they do it for me.
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But yeah, I completely understand.
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So, all right.
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So you win class president, you win the chair award.
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Now you're out of high school, you go into, you go to UC Berkeley, which obviously did you live at home while you were at Berkeley.
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No, thank goodness, my parents were kind enough to not make that.
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And no, it was fun.
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I lived in this co-op with a bunch of kids and, yeah, it was neat, I loved it.
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It was so much fun.
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It was so much fun.
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But I was in engineering school.
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Somehow I got in.
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You needed really good math grades and I didn't have the math score.
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Somehow I got.
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Uc Berkeley.
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Science is very hard to get into because it's the toughest.
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It's the most competitive science school in the world because it's the only American science school that's more affordable.
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Caltech, harvard, mit, stanford they're up there in terms of their eliteness, but they're all private.
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Uc Berkeley is a public school, so it's more affordable.
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So you have the smartest kids from China and the smartest kids from India competing to get in there.
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So think about that the smartest of the smart of two billion populations.
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And those kids.
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They're not messing around.
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They're not there to party, meet girls, do anything.
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They are there to get grades, be successful and send money home.
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So I was outclassed.
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So somehow I got in and passed.
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But yeah, I don't know.
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It was intense, well so, how did you do that?
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Did you have to take an entrance exam or something?
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Well so, how did you do that?
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Did you have to take an entrance exam or something?
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You apply, I think the extracurriculars class president, things like that.
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I asked my dad if he helped get me in and he claims no, and I've looked it up.
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He can learned a skill that I had, that I didn't know I had, which was the UC Berkeley Engineering School.
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They're mostly teaching you theory.
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You're not really building a lot of stuff, and I liked making things.
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Growing up, my dad had a workshop and he let me make things and invent things.
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I wanted to be an inventor, but in engineering school you learn the theory of how to make things, but you didn't really make a lot of stuff.
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But we had this opportunity where we were supposed to design this robotic arm that was supposed to do something.
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So I designed it.
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But all these kids in engineering school were incredible at math.
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It was like their second language, and I wasn't really all that good at math because I didn't apply myself.
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You can tell from my lack of with cross-country.
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I was always just trying to find a sneaky way out, so I learned to solve things intuitively.
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When every other kid had an equation to solve, where's the bridge going to break?
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I would like become the bridge.
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I would like feel what it was like to be a bridge and I would say where would I break?
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And I would start solving things intuitively.
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I would build things with intuition, which was really just a coping mechanism because I didn't have the math to do it, but it turned into kind of a cool skill, because math is fine if it gets you the answer that the equation will get you, but what if you don't know what?
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If you have to innovate something?
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Then the math doesn't help you.
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So I remember one time I invented this arm, this robot arm, and I just did it on intuition.
00:17:05.934 --> 00:17:09.730
So this very successful, very famous mechanical engineer, my teacher, looked at it and he said this won't work.
00:17:09.730 --> 00:17:12.039
And I said what do you mean?
00:17:12.039 --> 00:17:12.480
It won't work.
00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:14.266
He says that won't work.
00:17:14.266 --> 00:17:16.251
It won't hold the object, it's going to break.
00:17:16.251 --> 00:17:18.021
He says why do you think it'll work?
00:17:18.021 --> 00:17:26.973
Now every other kid used math, so he was expecting a mathematical and I was like, and I just said I don't know, man, like I just feel like it's gonna work.
00:17:26.973 --> 00:17:28.375
He said it's not gonna work.
00:17:28.375 --> 00:17:34.461
And he pulls out his pen and he shows the math of why, with the coefficient of friction and the leverage, it wouldn't work.
00:17:34.461 --> 00:17:39.012
He said this won't work and I said I don't know, man, I think it'll work.
00:17:39.012 --> 00:17:51.723
And he said Look you go build this thing.
00:17:51.723 --> 00:17:52.567
If it works, I'll give you a job in my lab.
00:17:52.567 --> 00:17:52.887
And I said, deal.
00:17:52.887 --> 00:17:55.720
And I went and what was odd is I believed myself and I went and I built it and it worked.
00:17:58.359 --> 00:18:03.548
Yeah, now, looking back, an 18 year old kid with pimples, pretty insecure, telling a famous teacher hey, you're wrong and I'm right based on my gut feeling.
00:18:03.548 --> 00:18:17.800
And the reason it was so powerful is it taught me two things that led to developing this system for people, which is that A I just have this ability to sometimes see solutions that quote, unquote the experts miss, based on intuition and understanding things.
00:18:17.800 --> 00:18:20.846
But also it taught me experts can be wrong.
00:18:20.846 --> 00:18:24.411
It doesn't mean they don't know things, but like they can be wrong.
00:18:24.411 --> 00:18:36.906
And that's why I think what led to me doing what I did, I was somebody that, just like your audience well, I had I don't know your audience, but I know they struggle.
00:18:37.248 --> 00:18:45.671
I had, I had anxiety, I had fear of rejection, insecurity, perfectionism, people pleasing, overthinking all the greatest hits.
00:18:45.671 --> 00:18:51.361
And I went, like your audience, when they see that they're struggling and not being the person they want to be.
00:18:51.361 --> 00:18:54.653
I was like, okay, let's go be a better person.
00:18:54.653 --> 00:18:56.179
So I did what your audience said.
00:18:56.179 --> 00:19:02.944
I went looking for help and I went to the therapists and psychologists and read the books and watched the videos and did the retreats and followed the gurus and I did it all.
00:19:02.944 --> 00:19:07.673
I did EMDR and EFT and IFS and CGT and EFT and MOUSE.